The Road to Remembering
by virtual-typewriter
Summary: Years after Clara Oswald says goodbye to the Doctor, she meets him again. In yet another fight against Missy, and with an angry River Song thrown in to the mix, will the Doctor finally regain the memories of his impossible girl?
1. Prolouge

**AN: After the series finale and the Christmas special I decided to write a story about how the Doctor and Clara might meet again. It is a five-part story (excluding this prologue) and will include the twelfth doctor and Clara along with River, Missy, and Ashildr/Me. It takes place sometime after The Husbands of River Song with the Doctor and River travelling together. I hope you enjoy it :-)**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who or any of the characters, monsters etc.**

* * *

 **Prologue**

The Doctor tried not to look at River because he knew that she was hurt. Here they were, discussing her death, and instead of trying to save her, he was telling her that her death couldn't be avoided. She was talking of loopholes and he was telling her that he wouldn't even try.

How to explain it to her? Because of course he _wanted_ to save her, of course he didn't want her to die. But he had learnt his lesson and it had cost him dearly. He was known for making stupid mistakes, but he wouldn't make them twice.

She accepted it when she found out that they would have 24 years to spend together. She was right when she said that happy ever after didn't have to be forever. But she was also right when she said that that wasn't the sort of thing that he could understand. People seemed to forget that he was the one who had to go on alone. He was the one left behind, trying to find a new happy ever after while mourning the loss of the last one.

Instead of discussing the future with her, he focused on the present. He tried to content himself with the fact that every Christmas was last Christmas. He couldn't exactly remember when he had started using the expression, but it seemed fitting.

And they were happy together. They were happy for a long time even though they knew what waited ahead and even though River had to live with the fact that he wasn't going to do anything about it. They never discussed it. It was sort of like an unspoken agreement. Instead they danced, and they laughed and talked, and they went on adventures together, lots and lots of adventures.

Almost ten years had passed before River once again breached the subject.

"What made you change your mind?" she asked him. They were sitting together on the balcony. The sun was long gone, and the starts were out. "The man I knew, that is, the man you _were_ , he would have never given up. He would have tried to save me."

The Doctor was just about to open his mouth, when she hurriedly interrupted him, "Don't get me wrong, I'm not blaming you. I _do_ understand, of course I do. It's the rational thing to do, not to interfere; I'm simply wondering what changed. What made you like this?"

The Doctor ignored her gaze and focused on the stars instead. She deserved an explanation. She had deserved one ten years ago, but he couldn't bring himself to give her one, not then. How _could_ he give her one, when everything was so confusing, so disjointed in his memory? He didn't remember the details. He didn't remember _why_ he didn't remember. He thought that at some point he _did_ remember, but everything concerning _her_ always were a bit weird. He had gathered together all the knowledge he could recreate by the hole she had left, but sometimes everything became incoherent again. The knowledge that at one point he had travelled with her was permanently imprinted upon his mind, but as years went by, he forgot why he had stopped travelling with her at all. With time the memories of the departing had became more and more distorted.

"Not what…" The Doctor said at last, "The question is who."

"Of course," River nodded with a little smile playing around her lips. She should have expected it to be a someone, "I asked you not to travel alone."

"And I didn't." The Doctor paused for a bit hereafter, "Her name was Clara."

"Clara," River repeated the word slowly, "She sounds special."

"She was. She became my best friend."

"Was," River looked sympathetically at her husband, "She's dead?" Suddenly everything was starting to make more sense.

For the first time during the entire conversation, the Doctor turned towards River, looked her in the eyes, and answered as honestly as he possibly could: "I have absolutely no idea."

River didn't say anything, so the Doctor continued, slowly, but surely, "I don't know where she is, because I don't remember how we parted ways. I don't even remember her, not really. I know her name was Clara, and I _know_ that she was my best friend. I know that she was very special, but I don't remember any of it. I forgot."

"You… forgot?" River asked astonished, "How?"

At this the Doctor smiled bitterly, before he answered, "I don't remember."

They were silent for a long while. The Doctor was, once again, lost inside his own thoughts, trying to remember anything, anything at all. But every time he thought he caught a glimpse of something, it disappeared. At last it was River who broke the silence. She could see in his eyes, his entire demeanour, that the conversation was painful to him, but she knew him, and she knew that he needed to talk about this.

"I'm sorry," she said, "I had no idea."

"There's no reason to be sorry," the Doctor quickly assured her, "Really. I'm not even sad, not really. I've never mourned her. I think… I think that may be what bothers me the most. We travelled together for such a long time and we did so many things together. I met her when I was one thousand years old, and now I'm well over two. I know she was very dear to me, and I _know_ that if I remembered her, I'd be heartbroken. But I don't and so I am not."

"Have you tried to look for her?"

"Oh… yes," the Doctor smiled another bitter smile, "But it turns out that it's not so easy to find someone when you don't remember anything besides a first name."

After this they were silent once again, but this time the Doctor was the one to break it.

"I want to save you," he told her, "There is nothing I want more than to save you. But I've been down that road before. I've chosen to ignore death and paradoxes and _rules_ , and then, at the end, I smile my smug little smile, as you say, and I content myself with the fact that, even though I've done things I shouldn't, I've gotten what I wanted. And it _has_ worked for me. It has worked for me many times but last time… Last time I learned my lesson. Clara died, you see. She died and I refused to accept it and so I did things… things I shouldn't have done. I saved her."

"But if you saved her…"

"As I told you, I don't know if she is dead or alive." This was another thing, which irritated the Doctor greatly, "I know that I saved her, I don't exactly remember how, but I _did_ save her. It's what happened after that I don't remember. I broke all my own rules and, as a result, I lost not only Clara, but also all of my memories of her."

After this they're quiet again. River doesn't know what to say, but the Doctor doesn't expect her to say anything. He knows that she doesn't expect him to save her, not once in the last ten years has she expected it. Now she knows the reason why she shouldn't.

* * *

 **So, that was the prologue. I hope you liked it :-)**


	2. Old acquaintances

**AN: Here's the next part of the story. Thanks to you all for reading, I hope you'll continue to like it :-)**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who or any of the characters, monsters etc.**

* * *

 **Chapter 1 – Old acquaintances**

"How can it be… _lost_?" Clara couldn't help but cringe at the sound of Ashildr's shrill voice. It's not as if she had lost it on purpose, it just sort of happened.

Instead of answering, Clara sent her companion a reassuring smile and said, "I'm sure it'll turn up somewhere."

"Oh, really?"

"Yes, really," Clara didn't see what the big problem was, "When I was travelling with the Doctor, the TARDIS used to disappear all the time. And we always found it again."

Ashildr shook her head in disbelief before she continued, "How did you find it again? Is there some sort of programme that needs to be activated?"

"Well… I don't know," Clara shook her shoulders and avoided Ashildr's gaze, "It just… sort of… turned up."

Ashildr didn't look convinced and eventually Clara caved, "All right, all right… _Usually_ , the Doctor was able to locate it with his screwdriver…"

"Fantastic," Ashildr gave Clara an unimpressed look, "Or it would be, if we, you know, were in possession of a sonic screwdriver."

"Oi, don't you give me that look," Clara pointed her finger accusingly at Ashildr, "This could just as well have happened to you."

"You're right, absolutely," Ashildr nodded, "Forgetting where I parked my time travelling eating establishment? Happens to me _all the time_."

Clara merely rolled her eyes. It wasn't unusual that the two of them fought, it actually happened rather often. They didn't really mean anything by it; it was simply a bit of bantering. It was a bit like how it had been with the Doctor except, of course, it was very different from how it had been with the Doctor. The Doctor was _the Doctor_. No one could replace the Doctor.

"Do you even know where we are?" Ashildr asked at last.

"Yes," Clara answered with conviction in her voice although she wasn't absolutely sure, "At least I think that I do."

"Oh for the love of…" At this point Ashildr gave up and sat down on a nearby bench. They were in a park of some sort, which quite frankly wasn't much to go on, but somehow the park seemed familiar.

"I think we're on Earth," Clara said at last, "And if I'm not very much mistaken, we are in St. James' Park."

"Well then," Ashildr rose to her feet again, "Then it's simply a matter of when, isn't it?"

"Yeah," Clara took another turn, "That's what's weird. I think we're in the past."

"Wow," Ashildr's voice was dripping with sarcasm, "I wonder how _that_ happened."

"It's _weird_ ," Clara continued and ignored her companion, "Because we were aiming for Mars in the _future_."

"This just goes to show that _I_ should be the one to fly the TARDIS."

"Please, I've got more experience than you." There was no way Clara was going to let Ashildr fly the Diner fulltime. "An accidental crash does not necessarily have anything to do with the pilot. When I was travelling with the Doctor we always ended up in the wrong place. This one time, we were supposed to visit Las Vegas and instead ended up on a Russian submarine in the middle of the Cold War."

"Which one?"

"Which one?" Clara repeated but instantaneously shook her head, "Forget it, I'm not in the mood for a history lesson right now."

Clara sometimes forgot that Ashildr had been alive for billions of years. She had seen so many things and lived through so much that Clara couldn't even begin to comprehend it. In the beginning Clara had wondered why Ashildr even wanted to travel with her. Ashildr had merely laughed and told her that it was a liberation not to be bound by time again. For once, she could go wherever she wanted.

"So when are we?"

"Well, I'm not sure, but I would say the second half of the 20th century. The buildings look very modern, that is, modern compared to my time, but there is no Ferris wheel."

"I see."

"This is actually fun," Clara couldn't help but smile, "I haven't been on Earth in a long time." To tell the truth, she hadn't been on Earth in years. She couldn't very well return to her old life, because the Clara of that time, of 2015, was dead. But surely it would be okay to visit the past. Perhaps she hadn't even been born yet, and if she was, it was doubtful anyone would recognise her and go 'Oh, that must be you, Clara, twenty years from now!'

"We should try to find the Diner," Ashildr broke the silence and looked at Clara, "That is the most important thing right now. If we don't find it, we're stuck here, having to live through the rest of time in order to reach Gallifrey, and I'm not doing _that_ again."

"Fair enough." Of course they were going to find their Diner. They couldn't go on without their Diner. It was funny… Clara always referred to their TARDIS as 'the Diner' whereas the Doctor's TARDIS was 'the TARDIS'. Ashildr had never commented on this little peculiarity of Clara's; just as she had never objected to the fact that Clara called her 'Ashildr' and not 'Me'. To everyone else, she was 'Me', but to Clara she was 'Ashildr'.

"Let's take it from the start."

Clara gave an involuntary sigh. Ashildr was, and always would be, a down-to-business kind of woman.

"The Diner crash-landed there." Clara pointed to a spot about ten metres from where they stood. "We then went for a walk to see if anything unusual had happened and when we returned, the Diner was gone. That was when you started freaking out by the way." Clara said the last part with a wink in Ashildr' direction. It wasn't often that the immortal was shaken by anything so Clara tended to enjoy it when it happened.

"Newspaper."

"Sorry?" Clara had hoped to get a rise out of Ashildr but hadn't expected her to blurt out 'newspaper' of all things.

"If we find a newspaper, we can establish when in time we are," Ashildr explained, "Perhaps something weird is going on and it'll be mentioned in the newspaper."

Clara snorted but hurriedly apologised at the sight of her companion's face: "If there is one thing I've learnt through my travels," she said, "It's that the human race tends to ignore it when something weird happens. I very much doubt we'll find anything about it in the paper."

"All the same." Ashildr started walking down the path leaving Clara no choice but to follow her. It didn't take them long to find a discarded copy of _The Telegraph_.

"April, 1990," Ashildr declared, "Ring any bells?"

Clara silently shook her head, "Nothing."

"Were you born?"

Clara nodded, "I must have been… three years old."

They continued on in silence. If there was one thing their travels had taught them, it was that trouble would find its way into their lives without any help. If something fishy was going on, they were bound to discover it sooner or later. And something fishy _had_ to be going on. Why else would their Diner be gone?

"Fancy a cuppa?" Clara turned hopefully towards her companion. It was nice to be home again even if just for a short while.

"A what?"

"Tea," Clara translated exasperatedly, "A cup of tea."

"Oh, sure."

Half an hour later Ashildr was, if possible, even more impatient. They had gotten their tea but had noticed nothing out of the ordinary.

"I'm sure it'll turn up somewhere," Clara tried to assure her.

"You're just like him, do you know that?"

Clara looked up from the newspaper she had been skimming but didn't say anything, "Who?"

Of course Clara knew whom Ashildr was referring to, but she was surprised that Ashildr had mentioned him. They _never_ talked about the Doctor, not like this. Sure, Clara mentioned him, but only when it was unavoidable like earlier when she said his TARDIS used to disappear all the time. They mentioned his name, but they never talked _about_ him. They never talked about his likes and dislikes, how grumpy he could become, how he loved to play the guitar or anything of the sort.

"You know very well who," Ashildr sent her one of her rare smiles, but Clara looked back down at the newspaper, "You both believe that everything will work out in the end, as long as you don't give up."

"Yeah, well…" Clara began to feel a lump form in her throat, "We both know how well that went last time, don't we?"

"That doesn't change the fact that the both of you have a tendency to become overoptimistic and chipper at times when everyone else seems to give up."

"Wait a minute – "

"I'm serious, I know you don't want to talk about it, but –"

"No, wait a minute!" Clara interrupted Ashildr and looked down at the newspaper, "Do you see this?"

"What?"

"It's an advertisement. It says 'TARDIS for sale'."

"What?" Ashildr tore the newspaper from Clara's gaze and stared disbelieving down at the pages, "Someone _stole_ out TARDIS?"

"Apparently…" Clara didn't know what else to say, it was as if everything around her had slowed down, "Turn it around."

"What?"

"You're billions of years old, surely that isn't the only word in your vocabulary – I said turn it around!"

"Both same amounts of grumpy…" Ashildr mumbled beneath her breath but did what she was told, "There's an address on the other side. Is that where out TARDIS is? How did you know there would be an address on the other side?"

"Because I've seen that sort of advert before."

"You mean you know who is behind?" Ashildr was looking wide-eyed at Clara, who in turn was staring out the window.

"Yes…"

"Well who is it?"

Clara took a shuddering breath she didn't need, before she looked at her companion and said the name of the one person she had hoped never to encounter again: "Missy."


	3. Missy

**AN: First of all I want to say thanks to you all for reading my story, and thank you for your lovely reviews, it means a lot :-) I hope you'll continue to like it :-)**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who or any of the characters, monsters etc.**

* * *

 **Chapter 2 – Missy**

It took them quite a while but eventually Clara and Ashildr found their way to a big warehouse on the outskirts of London. According to the address in the advert, this was the place where you could 'buy a TARDIS'. The warehouse didn't look as if it had been used in quite some time and breaking in was surprisingly easy. The door wasn't locked and had been half torn from its hinges.

It seemed simple enough, they just had to go in, locate their Diner, avoid Missy, and fly away. Unfortunately, the inside wasn't as easy to navigate as they had hoped for. There were boxes filled with stuff _everywhere_.

They walked around for a while, getting nowhere, when Ashildr stopped, looked around and declared, "I think this is a maze."

Clara, having reached the same conclusion, let out a long sigh, "It's so typical of _that_ _woman_. Everything is just a game to her."

They continued on in silence. There really wasn't much else to do. They had to find their Diner, whatever the cost.

Eventually, Ashildr was the one to break the silence. "It must be hard for you, this thing between you and Missy."

Her words took Clara by surprise, and she told Ashildr as much. "I don't find it particularly hard to hate her. She's not a very pleasant human being, or time lady-being, whatever you call her."

"Of course not, I completely agree with you," Ashildr was quick in her answer, "I simply meant that it must be hard for you to hate her considering the fact that she is the reason you met the Doctor in the first place. I know that she has done horrible things to you, but at the same time, I know you consider your years travelling with the Doctor the best of your life. You don't go around wishing that you had never met him, not even despite everything the two of you have been through. If that was the case, you would have let him wipe your memory all those years ago."

Clara didn't know quite what to say to this. Ashildr was right: it _was_ hard. And she had had these exact same thoughts herself, she had just never had the energy to sit down and think everything through.

"It hurts," Clara admit, "That everything I've been through with him – every good day, every bad day – it was all for the purpose of creating the hybrid. That's what she wanted all along, that's why she chose me. That hurts, of course it does. So despite the fact that she put us together… I cannot forgive her for the things she's done to the Doctor – or to me. It was cruel."

Ashildr didn't answer. There wasn't really anything to say, so they simply continued on in silence.

It seemed as though they had been walking for hours when Ashildr suddenly stopped and walked over to one of the box walls. There was a hole in it.

"That's the TARDIS!" Ashildr exclaimed, pointing through a hole in the wall, "That _is_ the TARDIS, is it not?"

"How can you not recognise it?" Clara asked, astonished, "Just how many American Diners do you think there are in here?"

"No, you don't understand – of course, I'm not sure, I haven't seen it in quite a while, and I'm simply relying on my diaries here, but… It says _Police Box_ on the top."

"What are you talking about?"

Ashildr made room for Clara to have a look, and she neared the hole in the wall tentatively. It didn't take her long to see what it was Ashildr had seen.

"Yeah, that's the TARDIS." Clara was feeling a bit breathless as she said this, despite not needing air at all. It had been years since she had last seen it and yet, standing here, looking at it, it didn't seem very long at all. If she closed her eyes she could hear the humming of the engines, the feel of the control panel beneath her fingers. That humming… People who didn't know any better would sat that the humming sounded exactly like their Diner's but that wasn't true. The humming of the TARDIS – the Doctor's TARDIS – that was a special humming.

"So our TARDIS isn't here at all? Or Missy stole both out TARDISes?" Ashildr didn't sound sure.

"I wouldn't but it past her," Clara grumbled, "She lives for situations such as these."

"What situations?"

"The kind that ends in complete catastrophe."

They were both silent for a bit, contemplating what to do next. They hadn't seen their Diner yet. Perhaps it wasn't even _in_ the warehouse. Sure, it would be a pretty big coincidence for their TARIDS to go missing at the exact same time Missy TARDIS-napped the Doctor's. Then again, Clara wouldn't blame the Diner for sensing Missy and deciding to fly for the hills.

"Is that…?"

Clara snapped back to reality at the sound of Ashildr's voice, "What?"

"I think… I see someone one the other side of the boxes. Perhaps we should just get out of here. We shouldn't be here."

"What do you see?" It took Clara less than a second to push Ashildr out of the way in order to gain better access to the peephole, "Where?"

"Over there, on the other side," Ashildr grumbled while messaging her arm, "Honestly, didn't your mother ever tell you that you ought to show _kindness_ towards the elderly?"

"You barely look eighteen years old," Clara scoffed, "I'm the fragile one. I've got, like, one second left to live."

"Forget I ever said anything, what do you see?"

"I'm not…" Clara was standing on her tiptoes, "I'm not sure. Are you sure you saw something?"

"No, I was simply teasing you."

"Perhaps _you_ could stop with the sarcasm," Clara whispered over her shoulder.

"As if now is the best time to discuss – "

"Shut up."

"You were the one who – "

"I said _shut up_ ," Clara whisper yelled the last part.

Ashildr send Clara the coldest glare she could muster but kept quiet all the same. The immortal wasn't exactly used to people telling her to 'shut up'.

Meanwhile Clara was staring wide-eyed at a spot across from them. It was very dark inside the warehouse, but she would be able to recognise that velvety colour anywhere. It was a colour she wouldn't find anywhere else in the universe, no matter how far she travelled. It was like the blue of the TARDIS: one hundred percent unique.

Neither Clara nor Ashildr said a word. Silence had fallen completely on their side of the warehouse. The same couldn't be said about the other side…

"Are you sure we're in the right place?" River's voice was condescending and just a bit teasing, as always. She had been following the Doctor around for near on two hours now and it didn't seem as though they were getting anywhere. She had never liked following people around; she was more of a leading gal herself, but the Doctor had refused to tell her where they were going.

"Of course I'm not sure," the Doctor whispered, "But I think there is a very high probability of this being the right place. And keep your voice down a bit, will you?"

River rolled her eyes but didn't say anything. They were in a warehouse of some sort, and it was stacked with boxes. They had been on their way back to Darillium after visiting some distant planet when the TARDIS crash-landed on Earth. And, as if that wasn't enough, someone had taken the TARDIS and put it here. At least that was what her husband claimed.

"According to my sonic, it should be just around the corner…" The Doctor's voice became quieter as he moved around said corner. River followed him, and, just as he said it would be, the TARDIS was standing in the middle of the box-maze.

"Well, I'll give you this one," River said, "You were actually right. Although, statistically, I guess it had to happen at some point."

"Hilarious as always, professor Song."

"Well, isn't this lovely?" The Doctor lifted his head at the sound of the Scottish accent. A few moments later the time lady, currently known as Missy, walked out.

The Doctor let out a quiet hiss. He couldn't exactly remember why he was so mad at the time lady formerly known as the Master, but he knew that he had good reason to be. He suspected it had something to do with his former companion, the one he couldn't remember. Unfortunately, he couldn't for the life of him remember what Missy had done. He remembered the cyberman-army, but surely that alone couldn't have have put him in such a rage?

"Who are you?" River Song had her sonic screwdriver out of her pocket. She didn't exactly know what she should do with it, as the woman in front of her wasn't sonic, but it brought her a bit of comfort. Her husband's silence wasn't very comforting it all. The fact that he had refused to tell her what was going on when they stormed of in direction of this warehouse was even less comforting.

"Doctor," she half turned towards the man by her side, "Who is this?"

"Why, why, haven't you ever mentioned me?" Missy cackled and sent a wink in the Doctor's direction, "It's quite all right. You can introduce us now."

In the meantime, Clara had a hard time tearing her gaze away from the Doctor. He hadn't changed one bit. Neither had she, of course, but Clara had feared he might have done something stupid since she'd last seen him, gotten himself killed and regenerated or something of the sort.

Clara was, however, pleasantly surprised to see that he wasn't travelling on his own. She couldn't bear to think of the Doctor all sad and alone in his big blue box.

"Honestly, are you going to tell me what's going on out there? Is that talking I hear?" Ashildr was tripping impatiently behind Clara.

She cleared her voice before she answered, "It's the Doctor."

"Really?"

"Yes, really," Clara snapped. She had been dreaming about this moment for so long that now, when it had finally come, she didn't know what to do with herself. The Doctor didn't remember her. She had looked into his eyes once, so long ago, in an empty American diner and seen the proof of this. Could she look him in the eyes again and see this… emptiness staring back at her? And more importantly, could she do it again without giving away who she was? Would he remember the waitress after all this time? He had a tendency to delete everything he didn't think was important. To imagine that he had looked at her, talked to her, and then deleted her because he didn't think she was important… No, there was no reason to think about that either; they had more important things to worry about.

Clara didn't find it appropriate to blurt all of this out in front of Ashildr so she merely apologised for her outburst and told her that Missy was out there, with him.

"Okay, now you've got to let me have a look."

Clara stepped aside and let Ashildr peer out between the boxes.

"It doesn't look as though anyone's with her," Clara commented, "If she's alone we should be able to take her down."

"Let's go then."

"No, no, are you crazy?" Clara stopped Ashildr by grabbing hold of her arm, "Have you noticed who's out there?"

"Yeah, the Doctor, Missy and, well, that other woman. I presume Missy's the one standing next to the TARDIS? Don't recognise the woman with the gigantic hair. New companion?"

"No," Clara shook her head and leaned in to whisper in the immortal's ear, "That's River Song."

" _Professor_ River Song? The Doctor's wife?" Despite the sticky situations the pair often found themselves in, Clara had seldom seen Ashildr look as interested as she suddenly did now.

"The one and… well, not _only_ , but his current one or… whatever. Their timelines are sort of jumbled up. When I last met her she was dead."

"How can you meet a dead person?" Ashildr momentarily tore her gaze away from the Doctor's wife to stare curiously at her companion.

"She was a ghost," Clara explained, "When time lords die their – "

"Their minds get uploaded to the Matrix, yeah, I know."

"Well, if you already knew then –"

Ashildr interrupted her friend once again, "I'm sorry if my mind wasn't entirely up to speed. I'm trying to hear what they're saying."

"You're such a gossip," Clara admonished, "Besides, I don't think they're saying anything." She tried squinting through the darkness but as far as she could see, there were no lip movements.

"Tell me again why we're not just going out there."

Clara watched the two women closely before she answered, "That's _River Song_ and Missy."

"You already told me that." Ashildr still wasn't getting it.

"I don't think they've met each other before," Clara said, "Think about it: what we're about to witness is the first meeting between _River Song_ and _Missy_."

"Yeah, you _told_ me."

Ashildr was getting impatient, so Clara let out an exasperated sigh and explained: "It's the first ever meeting between the missus and the Mistress."


	4. Questionable relations

**AN: Once again, thank you very much for reading and reviewing :-) Here's the next part.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who or any of the characters, monsters etc.**

* * *

 **Chapter 3 – Questionable relations**

The Doctor cleared his throat before taking a step forwards. "What are you doing here?" There was no malice in his voice but it was noticeable to everyone who knew him that he wasn't pleased to see the Time Lady.

"Doctor, who _is_ this?" River repeated her earlier question and this time she wanted an answer. The woman in front of them was obviously no random stranger. Not only did she know the Doctor, she had also stolen the TARDIS.

The woman smiled but didn't say anything. It was obvious that she was enjoying this and that annoyed River even more.

The silence stretched out. For a long while River thought the Doctor weren't going to say anything at all, but eventually he took a deep breath and answered her, "River, meet the Mistress, more commonly known as Missy. Missy, as you probably already know, this is professor River Song."

"Oh, I know." Missy winked at River who raised an eyebrow in return. She had no idea who this Missy-person was but there was no way she was going to let her get away with whatever it was, she was trying to get away with.

Missy leaned closer to River to whisper in her ear, "Between us girls 'the Mistress' sounded so… pedestrian."

"The Mistress," the Doctor continued between clenched teeth, "Earlier known as 'The Master'."

River glanced quickly from the woman in front of her, to her husband, and back to the woman again. She'd heard many – terrible – stories about the Master. She had never imagined that he – she – could look like _this_. That wasn't really what shocked her though. She thought that the Master was dead. Not once had the Doctor mentioned that he had returned.

"Now that that's all over with," Missy took a few steps back and smiled conspiratorially at the Doctor, "Shall we get down to business?"

River glanced at the Doctor but he didn't seem to have a clue as to what was going it. If he did, he hid it very well. During their years together she had become reasonably better at reading his expressions. This though… This was something else.

"Just tell us what you want and we can all get on with our lives." The Doctor was getting impatient. Missy wanted something – that much was obvious. The fact that she was so smug about it, made it seem as though she'd already gotten it. That was what worried him the most.

"It's quite simple, really," Missy made to turn around, undoubtedly to get something, when she halted. She looked around before she turned back to the Doctor, "Is something missing?"

River glared cautiously at Missy, but the she didn't elaborate further. Instead she started walking around in small circles, glaring this way and that.

"It truly is a peculiar feeling, don't you feel it?" She directed the question towards River, who in turn glanced at the Doctor. He was following Missy's steps attentively, and didn't look at her.

"It feels as if something is missing…" Missy took one last turn before coming to a halt in front of the Doctor. She bent forward to… examine his shoes? River was about to make a surly comment, when Missy opened her mouth again:

"Isn't there usually something trailing behind those feet of yours, Doctor?" She stood up again and looked the Doctor square in the eye.

There was a moment of silence where it felt as if their ears were ringing. Then the Doctor answered her icily: "I know what you're about Missy and for the sake of yourself I would advise you to stop right now. I distinctly remember telling you to run away from me. This advice still stands."

"Oh yeah, that's right, you lost your puppy. Forgotten where you left it? Or did it run away of its own accord?" Missy was bashing her eyelashes at the Doctor with a curious expression on her face.

In the corner of her eye, River could see the Doctor stiffen.

"That's what you're afraid of, is it not?" Missy's voice was very low but she might as well have been yelling, "You're afraid you hurt it, and it ran away, your poor little puppy… You're afraid that it ran away from _you_."

"That's enough." River had taken a step forward and was gripping the sonic just a little bit tighter between her fingers.

"What're you going to do with that thing?" Missy was smiling now, "Let me give you a little advice: forget the sonic and leave the fighting to the _real_ Time Lords. Have you ever even _seen_ Gallifrey?"

"Let _me_ advice _you_ not to try that game with me."

"Feisty, I like this one," Missy remarked in an undertone to the Doctor.

River stole another glance at her husband, but he didn't say anything. She wanted to do something, anything, but she didn't really know the Master. She had never encountered him; she'd only heard tales. And she knew that the only one really capable of dealing with him was the Doctor. They had so much history that it was impossible for anyone else to catch on.

"Look at you, all silent and moody," Missy turned her attention back to the Doctor and it was obvious that she was enjoying herself, "That's the tricky thing about memory moderations. They're sooo unpredictable. In the beginning you don't remember anything at all. _Then_ it starts coming back to you, bit by bit, but then – right when you finally think you've got it – it all just _disappears_ , doesn't it? Blows away like smoke..."

"Whom have you been talking to?" The Doctor gave Missy a long, hard glare. Something else had crept into his voice, something River couldn't define. It sounded a bit like... a challenge.

"Why, whatever makes you think I've been talking to anybody?" Missy gave a low cackle, "There is no one, here except silly old me."

On the other side of the boxes, Clara tore her gaze away from the Doctor and slowly turned her attention towards her companion. This didn't sound very good at all. Missy was toying with the Doctor and somehow she had found out that Clara and Ashildr were there. They had been walking around the stupid warehouse for _hours_ and hadn't encountered a single sole. How did she know?

She insinuated that Ashildr was helping her, but Clara was too smart to fall for that. Sure, Ashildr had been known for making unfortunate alliances in the past, but she couldn't believe that that was the case now. From the beginning they had been very clear about not keeping secrets from each other. They knew that their arrangement wouldn't work otherwise. Clara trusted that Ashildr wouldn't betray her.

"What is she playing at?" Clara raised her thoughts in the hope that Ashildr might have some ideas, but the immortal merely shrugged.

Clara looked back at the Doctor. Would he believe Missy's words? That Ashildr had somehow formed an alliance with the Time Lady? Clara had no idea how much he remembered. Did he remember the Diner, their stolen TARDIS? If not, he would believe that this was a pre-Raven Ashildr he had to deal with. And the Ashildr of the 1990's wouldn't have refused an alliance with Missy if it benefited her in some way.

"You have been talking to Me." The Doctor's voice was strangely… calm. As if he'd been expecting it.

"Ashildr?" River asked to be sure she was following. The Doctor had told her about the Viking girl and her betrayal. He couldn't remember the exact details but he knew she had played a part in Clara's death, and he'd told her as much.

"I think she prefers _Lady_ Me," Missy told River confidentially, "You know women and their titles…"

"Where is she?" The Doctor had started to look around the little box-clearing with the TARDIS in the middle, "I expect she's around here somewhere? Or perhaps she is currently occupied elsewhere."

"That _is_ a good question." Missy nodded seriously, "Me, around here somewhere?" She yelled the last part extremely loudly and Clara had to stop herself from yelping out loud, "Want to come talk to the Doctor? It's entirely up to you, of course, wouldn't blame you for staying away."

Ashildr gave Clara a quizzical look, "Why would I go talk to her? Does she want me to pretend I'm on _her_ side?"

Clara was about to tell her that she had no idea what was going on inside the woman's head, when something grabbed hold of her arm.

"What the –?" She looked down and saw a metal arm clenched around her elbow.

Ashildr grabbed hold of the arm in an attempt to pry it off, but it didn't budge.

"Where…" Clara trailed off, "What's inside these boxes?" She hadn't given it a thought earlier and was just now realising how tremendously _stupid_ they'd been. The only comfort was the fact that the Doctor had been tremendously stupid too.

"Are these boxes filled with _cybermen_?" Clara started to feel the panic rise in her throat. It took a lot to scare her these days, but she'd never quite gotten over the whole my-boyfriend-got-converted-into-a-cyberman debacle.

She tried tearing her arm free but to no avail. She could really use a sonic screwdriver right now, but she didn't want the Doctor to know she was here. Except that she did want him to know. She wanted him to know that she was trapped by a cyberman mere metres from where he was standing, and she wanted him to _care_.

How could he not hear what was going on, were they really that silent? Of course, she hadn't heard the cyberman either. It had probably been upgraded to silentman.

Ashildr looked from Missy, to Clara, to the cyberman, and back to Missy again. She had never met Missy before but she had heard a lot about her, and, according to Clara, she loved playing games. But her companion had been wrong about one thing: this wasn't _just_ another game to her. This was a game that had started a long time ago with a phone call between a mad man, dressed as a monk, and a young woman who couldn't use the Internet. They should have realised that Missy wasn't done yet.

Ashildr's choices were pretty clear: she could play along or she could refuse. She had been given a very similar choice many years ago – billions, really. She couldn't remember every detail, but she had read about it in one of her diaries. Back then the choice was pretty clear: trap the Doctor and save Trap Street or refuse and thereby endanger all the people who looked to _her_ for protection. Clara had died that day. Missy really had given her an impossible choice: choose the Doctor's side and kill Clara. Or choose Missy's side and save Clara.

She didn't want to imagine the look on the Doctor's face when he found out that she'd killed his friend again. But the last time she went against the Doctor, it hadn't worked out at all, had it? Was this a trick? It most certainly was, but how did she avoid falling for it?

Clara was telling her very clearly _not_ to go against the Doctor, but Ashildr ignored her. There really wasn't much of a choice. If Clara died here, in this warehouse, she couldn't die on Trap Street. Time would fracture, and that didn't sound like a very pleasant scenario. When it came down to it, it didn't really matter about the Doctor or Clara. She had to think about the bigger picture, because that's what she did.

She'd made her choice. She took a deep breath, walked around the boxes, and came to a stop next to Missy.

"Hello Doctor," she said with a small smile. Fooling the Doctor was no easy feat, but Ashildr counted on him being confused. He couldn't remember their last encounters. Actually, almost _all_ of their encounters would be hazy in his mind because Clara had been travelling with him. He certainly wouldn't remember her flying away with his best friend in a stolen TARDIS. Besides, Ashildr was the most practiced liar in the universe. She should be able to pull it of.

"Me."

She ignored the Doctor and turned towards his wife instead. "You must be professor Song," Ashildr acknowledged the other Time Lady with an inclination of the head, "It is a pleasure to finally meet you. I have heard a great deal about you."

"I've heard about you too… Lady Me."

"Oh, you've been trading stories." At this point Missy started clapping her hands, "How lovely."

"Do not flatter yourself." The Doctor's gaze was penetrating and Ashildr ignored it as best as she could. What did Missy want with them all? What did she want with the Doctor this time, and how did _she_ fit into it all? She had to find a way to get them out of this mess.

"Isn't this nice?" Missy sat down on a nearby box and crossed one leg over the other, "Perhaps now, we can get down to business. Haven't got all day, you know."

"Of course," Ashildr sat down next to Missy, "But we're still missing someone, or are you forgetting?"

If Missy was surprised, she didn't show it. 'Two can play at the same game,' Ashildr thought.

"Ah, yes, your little protégé," Missy smiled indulgently, "Come out, come out, don't be shy." She yelled the last bit over her shoulder, before she turned her attention back to the Doctor and River, "She's a little shy."

"She's fine," Ashildr protested.

On the other side of the boxes the cyberman let go of Clara. What was Ashildr thinking? She couldn't go out and face the Doctor. What if he somehow recognised her? What if he didn't?

"We haven't got all day, darling!"

Clara gave an involuntary shudder at the sound of Missy's screeching voice. She had to go out there. She had to face him.


	5. The deal, part 1

**AN: Let me start by thanking you all for reading and for giving me feedback. I'm glad you like the story and hope you'll continue to do so :-)**

 **This chapter is longer than the rest so I have decided to split it in two. The next part will be up as soon as possible.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who or any of the characters, monsters etc.**

* * *

 **Chapter 4 – The deal, part 1**

Clara sat down next to Ashildr who didn't say a word. She was staring straight ahead, no emotion visible on her face. Missy, on the other hand, was yapping away. There was no stopping that woman.

"Now that _that's_ all sorted, let's begin, shall we?"

"You're not going to introduce us?" The other Scot in the room had spoken and Clara's eyes were inadvertently drawn to the Doctor. She had avoided his gaze when she walked over, but that was no longer possible. He was staring at her with those big, blue eyes of his. Big, blue, and very empty eyes. He didn't remember her that was for certain. Neither Clara the companion nor Clara the waitress.

He looked curiously at her, but aside from curiosity there was nothing in those eyes. Clara figured that was even worse. If he'd paid her no attention at all she could pretend that it was because he didn't want to give away the fact that he knew who she was.

"Well, if you insist." Missy turned around to look at Ashildr, "Me?" Clara was sure that Missy would have come up with something clever, but apparently she wanted to see what Clara and Ashildr themselves would come up with. If Missy had wanted the Doctor to know who Clara was, she would have come right out and said it. Now, she was letting Ashildr come up with something instead, and there was no way she would reveal the truth about Clara.

"Right."

Clara inadvertently rolled her eyes at Ashildr's smoothness – or lack thereof. One would think that living for billions of years would make a person more adaptable in situations such as these. Apparently, that wasn't the case.

The immortal turned to the Doctor and with a sweep of her arm in Clara's direction told him, "This is Pam, my protégé."

"Oh." The Doctor gave Clara one last glance before he turned his attention back to Missy.

"What?" The word escaped Clara before she had a chance to think it through. She heard Ashildr elicit a groan but ignored her. There was something about the Doctor's reaction to her name – even though it wasn't her real name – that made her want to pick a fight with him. It was irrational, she knew that, but if she'd been a rational person she wouldn't be sitting inside a darkened warehouse in the company of three Time Lords from outer space, an immortal Viking, and with no pulse.

"Oh?" The Doctor's attention was back on her.

"Something wrong with my name _Doctor_ _Who_?"

At this the Doctor smiled, the first genuine smile Clara had seen all day, "I just figured that the protégé of Lady Me would have been called something a bit more catchy than, you know – ."

"Pam the protégé?" Clara supplied.

"Yeah," the Doctor nodded, "If I were you, I would have called myself something a little more fitting like 'Mini-Me' or simply 'Minnie', if I wasn't in the mood for questioning."

"Well, the name's Pam."

"So you say."

After this they were both silent. The Doctor regarded Clara slowly, but she couldn't for the life of her imagine what was going on inside that head of his.

"Now that we know that Pam is Pam, perhaps we shall move on?" Ashildr was trying to avoid a catastrophe, as always.

"Quite right, Me, dear," Missy rose to her feet alongside Ashildr, "We're here to strike a deal with you, Doctor."

"A deal?" The Doctor looked away from Clara and focused his attention back on the Time Lady.

"What makes you think we'll strike a deal with you?" River who had previously been standing in the background now took a step forward.

"Oh, I think you'll take this one." Missy was still looking at the Doctor.

"And why is that?" The Doctor didn't seem nervous but he was starting to feel a certain apprehension creep over him. The fact that Missy was so smug about the whole ordeal didn't help. The fact that she had teamed up with Ashildr and that woman – Pam – only seemed to complicate matters further. Something about it all seemed a bit… off.

"I wouldn't want to bore you with the details," Missy had started walking around the clearing again. She never was one to sit still, Clara remarked.

"Please, do."

Clara regarded the Doctor apprehensively. He didn't like games and riddles such as these. He was getting impatient, and if you wanted to strike a deal with the Doctor, you didn't want him to be impatient, you wanted him in an extraordinarily good mood.

When Clara realised what she was thinking, she quickly shook her head. She wasn't on Missy's side; she didn't want the Doctor to strike any deals. Then again, she didn't want to find out what Missy had planned for them if he didn't take the deal, either.

"To cut a long story short, I want your TARDIS."

There was a moment of silence after this statement where everyone in the room, including Ashildr and Clara who was supposed to know about this, stared unbelievably at the Scottish Time Lady.

"Excuse me?" As always, the Doctor was the first one to regain his bearings, "My TARDIS? What makes you think I'll give you my TARDIS?"

"I don't _want_ your TARDIS, old man," Missy was giggling as if the very idea was ludicrous. Then she suddenly sobered and told him quite seriously, "I want to trade something of mine _in exchange_ for your TARDIS."

Clara was starting to get a very bad feeling about this entire ordeal. Ashildr must have been feeling the same, because Clara could see her warning her not to say anything, no matter what Missy had planned.

"What could you possibly have to trade that would make the Doctor give away his TARDIS?" River had spoken again and she looked quite livid, if Clara was to tell the truth. Then again, who would have expected the missus to get along with the Mistress?

"I have this."

Clara had been waiting for the moment when Missy would reveal who she really was. She had been waiting for another cyberman to catch hold of her and threaten to upgrade her. She had not expected for Missy to reach into her pocket and pull something out of it.

"I expect you know what this is?" Missy raised an eyebrow at the Doctor and waited for him to answer.

Clara shuffled a little bit to the side in order to get a better look, but little did it matter. The Doctor had taken another step forward as if ready to wrestle the thing – whatever it was – out of Missy's own hands. He was obscuring Clara's entire view of the Time Lady and whatever it was, she was holding in her hand.

"Where did you get that?" For once, the Doctor didn't sound calm at all. He sounded very much like someone who was about to lose his temper.

"Doctor, what is it?" Apparently his wife couldn't see it either. Clara looked desperately at Ashildr, but her face was void of any emotion. Clara didn't take that as a good sign.

"What do you say, Doctor? Will you make the trade?"

"No," it wasn't the Doctor, but River, who answered, "Doctor, no, whatever it is, don't make the trade. We can get it another way. It's not worth losing the TARDIS over."

"Sorry to disappoint you, dear, but I'm not sure your husband agrees." Missy's voice was extremely chipper. River's cheeks visibly reddened with anger.

"Where did you get that?" The Doctor's voice was very low.

"Ah, I was waiting for you to ask me that question," Missy moved again so Clara now had a clear view of her, but whatever she was holding, she had slipped back into her pocket, "It was Me here, who first approached me. She had had a few security problems on that little street of hers and told me she was ready to strike a deal, if I promised to help her solve her problems. One of her refugees had come in with this little device, she said, which would be of value to the Doctor, and she was willing to strike a bargain."

Without warning, the Doctor turned to Clara, and rarely had she seen him look this angry. At least, she wasn't used to him being this angry with _her_. And Clara still had no idea what device they were all discussing.

"Where did you get it?" The Doctor repeated his earlier question. He was towering over her and his eyes were blazing, "Who gave it to you? Or did you steal it?"

"I –" Clara sent Ashildr a desperate look, but Ashildr merely sent her a warning _not_ to reveal anything.

"I won it," Clara improvised. She looked back up at the Doctor, a bit defiantly, "Didn't really care for the thing but I was told it would be of great importance to you."

"You're human," the Doctor stated, "Where could you possibly have been playing poker with such stakes? And more importantly, why did you seek refuge on Trap Street? You're lying to me, and let me tell you something you'll be wise to remember: you don't want to lie to me when I'm angry."

"Her secrets do not concern you, Doctor." Thankfully, Ashildr chose this moment to intervene, because Clara had no idea what to say, "Now, will you take the deal or not?"

"And if I'd rather not?" The Doctor was still looking at Clara, penetrating her with his gaze.

"If you don't, we'll just have to make you." Missy was talking again, but Clara had a hard time following the conversation with the Doctor glaring at her like that.

"You and whose army?"

Clara inadvertently sighed at River's response. It was common knowledge _not_ to ask that question, unless you actually wanted to know what army.

"Why, me and my boys, of course." Not two seconds passed after Missy's statement, before Clara saw the boxes start to move. She had already forgotten about the cybermen.

As she had guessed, the Doctor hadn't looked inside the boxes either, and at the precise moment he realised his mistake, Clara slipped away from him and over to Ashildr.

"What on Earth does Missy have?" She hissed in her ear.

Clara could see Ashildr contemplating whether to tell her or not before she figured that Clara wouldn't stop pestering her until she knew, "The neuro block."

"What!?"

"Way to go, Pam." It was only when Ashildr rolled her eyes, Clara realised how loudly she'd spoken. All eyes were now on her. Well, nothing she could do about that.

"Last chance, Doctor…" Missy had taken the neuro block out of her pocket again and now that Clara could actually see it, she recognised it immediately. It wasn't really the sort of thing one would forget. It now became clear why she and Ashildr had been brought here. Missy had needed the neuro block so she could steal the Doctor's TARDIS.

"Wait a second," Clara leaned closer to Ashildr so only she could hear her question, "Why does Missy want to trade if she's already got the TARDIS?"

Ashildr shrugged, "Perhaps she wants to make sure the Doctor won't come after her and steal it back?"

"Surely he wouldn't just let her take the TARDIS."

"That is, if he decides to trade." Ashildr looked at Clara who looked away. Would the Doctor do that? Would he trade away his TARDIS in the hope of regaining his memories of her? Back when he still remembered her, he would have said yes, but now? When he didn't know who she was? If he didn't remember her, did he even miss her?

"I need extra time to think." The Doctor had spoken and Clara immediately turned to face him.

"What do you think this is, a quiz show?" Missy was starting to sound impatient, but instead of answering her, the Doctor took three steps to the right, grabbed hold of Clara's arm and hauled her with him into the maze. Clara was too surprised to protest, and her legs started running of their own accord. River was following quick behind whereas Ashildr… Clara didn't know where Ashildr was.

After about a dozen turns, Clara started to slow down. The Doctor, sensing defeat, stopped and rounded on her, "You're going to tell me where you got that neuro block, and you're going to tell me right now."

"And if I don't?"

The Doctor didn't answer her. Instead, he gazed sideways at the boxes, which were beginning to shake more and more violently. He was threatening her, and it was working. She could see in his gaze that he knew he'd won, but it wasn't for the reasons he thought. He figured she was the type of person who valued her life above everything else. In reality, she just didn't want to imagine the look on his face if he were to one day remember her and then realise what he'd done. Not that she thought he'd really hurt her, if she refused to talk. River Song, she probably would, but not the Doctor. At least not the Doctor he used to be.


	6. The deal, part 2

**AN: Here's the second part of the fourth chapter :-) Once again, thank you all so much for reading and reviewing! It really means a lot :-)**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who or any of the characters, monsters etc.**

* * *

 **Chapter 4 – The deal, part 2**

For the first time in what felt like decades, luck was on Clara's side. When the cybermen in the boxes next to them started to break free, she used the opportunity to run away from the time travelling couple.

She needed time to think. She wanted to tell the Doctor who she was, of course she did, but she knew that she shouldn't. There was a reason as to why he didn't remember her anymore. He'd told her that it was the right thing to do, that they couldn't keep travelling together. If he didn't remember that, she had to remember for the both of them. The fact that he even considered trading away his TARDIS for the neuro block was absurd. Did he expect to regain his memories? Could you somehow get the memories back by fiddling with the neuro block? Clara didn't know, but obviously the Doctor knew more than she did.

The only problem was how to convince the Doctor _not_ to make the trade without revealing who she was.

Clara ran around another corner and instantly came to regret running away from the Doctor and River. The corridor was crawling with cybermen and she wasn't exactly in the possession of a sonic screwdriver or sonic sunnies or whatever. During her travels, she had bitterly come to regret that she'd given the Doctor those sunglasses back. She should have kept them. Now, she was on her own.

"What on Earth are you doing?"

Clara turned around and saw Ashildr standing a few steps behind her.

"Seriously, are you crazy? Come on!" Ashildr started running down a third corridor. Having no other choice, Clara followed her. It took them some minutes but eventually they found a rather calm passage with nicely closed boxes.

"Where's the Doctor?" Ashildr was out of breath, but it didn't make her sound any less angrier, "What are you doing, _on your own_?"

"Relax, I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself." Clara, who didn't need air, was fine. It would at the very least take a couple of kilometres for her legs to start hurting. Unlike Ashildr, she was totally prepared for a situation such as this.

"If you say so," Ashildr puffed, "But just for the record – if anything happens to you again, I do _not_ want to be caught by the Doctor on the same planet. Or in the same galaxy, for that matter."

"Please, shut up!"

"Angry, are we?" Despite their current surroundings, Ashildr sent Clara one of her trademark smirks. Clara merely rolled her eyes in response. If there was one thing she was getting tired of, it was the immortal's constant complaints about her mood. Clara was fully aware that Ashildr, having lived for so many years, wasn't as prone to mood swings, but Clara didn't see how that related to her. She was entitled to her mood swings.

Changing the subject, Clara told Ashildr that she'd left the Doctor and River behind somewhere, and that they'd been fine.

"You really are stupid, aren't you?"

"You are the one who's always so nervous about following the rules of time," Clara scoffed, "If I'd stayed there any longer, they would have figured out who I was. Do you want that?"

"Of course not," Ashildr snapped, "But running away only delays the inevitable. We have to talk to them at some point."

"Not so long ago you were all for getting out of here."

"Obviously, that's no longer an option."

"I can't do this!" Clara frustratingly threw her arms up in the air. The boxes around them began to rattle, and she started walking down the corridor in the hopes of buying them a little more time.

"You have to!" Ashildr protested, following hot on her heels, "Look, I understand that this isn't easy for you, but you can't tell him."

"But at the same time you want us to convince him _not_ to take Missy's deal," Clara said, "You want us to convince him that he'd be better of with his TARDIS, never regaining his memories of me. Just how exactly do you want us to do that?" Clara rounded on Ashildr, "Which one of us is going to convince him of that? In case you haven't noticed, he doesn't particularly like either of us right now! You know him well enough to know that he isn't just going to let Missy disappear with the neuro block, even if he had the chance! If he doesn't take the deal for mine – Clara's – sake, he's going to do it to save our lives because right now, we are all about to be upgraded!"

For once, Ashildr didn't have an answer. She simply gave Clara one of her neutral glares, the kind reserved for situations where even the immortal woman who was billions of years old, had no idea what to do. Last time Clara had seen this glare was when a five-year-old girl had asked Ashildr if she wanted to feed her rabbit a carrot. It should be mentioned that the rabbit wasn't a live one but a stuffed one. Ashildr, having no recollections of how to deal with children and no memories of being one, had simply glared at the girl.

"Honestly, what do you want me to do?" Clara really wanted an answer, it wasn't a mere rhetorical question, "Please, Ashildr, what do I _do_?"

The companions looked at each other for a long time, when a voice behind them spoke up.

"Ashildr."

They spun around and found themselves face to face with River Song. Clara instantly found herself taking a deep breath even though she didn't need one. This wasn't good. How long had she been standing there, listening? How much had she heard?"

"Ashildr," River repeated, "Me… You called her Ashildr." River was talking to Clara, completely ignoring Ashildr along with the cybermen about to break free of their boxes.

"So?" Clara was beginning to realise her mistake, but she knew better than to let it show. Showing was always the first mistake. She should be able to talk her way out of this. She shot a brief look at Ashildr, but she was still frowning. Honestly, what was the point of being immortal, if you couldn't draw on you life experience in situations such as these?

River was looking at Clara with a similar frown. "No one except the Doctor knows that her name is originally Ashildr. She doesn't even remember it herself. She wouldn't have told you."

"You called her Ashildr earlier," Clara pointed out.

"That's because the Doctor told me that her name was Ashildr. Why would you – her protégé – use it? And why are you not with Missy right now?" The last question came as an afterthought, but it didn't make it any less important.

Clara was starting to feel more and more like a deer caught in the headlights. "I was simply trying it out. Obviously I'll continue to call her 'Lady Me'. Just look at how mad she looks!" Clara tried laughing as she gestured towards Ashildr, but inwardly she was cringing at her own explanation. It turned out that she wasn't so good at this after all. And how to explain the part about Missy? Honestly, why wasn't Ashildr saying anything?

"There is only one other person who knows that her name is Ashildr… Only one person who possibly _could_." River was giving Clara the most peculiar glare, as if she'd suddenly solved a big puzzle, "You're _her_. You're Clara."

Clara considered lying. It would be the easiest – the safest – thing to do. But River Song was not stupid. She'd figured it out, and there was no way Clara could convince her that she was wrong. Even Ashildr looked defeated. Therefore, instead of denying it, she took a step forward.

"You cannot tell him." Clara looked intently into River's eyes, trying to convey this very important message to her by the means of a single look. "No matter what happens. No matter what he says or does you _cannot_ tell him _._ Do you understand?"

"He's been looking for you." River was staring at Clara as if she couldn't quite grasp the fact that Clara – _the_ Clara – was standing in front of her, pretending to be Pam, Me's protégé.

"Don't," Clara raised her hand, but it didn't stop River from continuing.

"He misses you. I see it in his face, every single day, even though he's not aware of it."

Clara crossed her arms. If River expected an answer, she was very much mistaken.

"He mourns you, Clara. Do you have the slightest idea how hard it is to mourn someone you don't remember? It's impossible. And if you can't mourn, you can't move on." River took a deep breath, before she continued, "As long as he doesn't remember you, he'll never move on. It's not fair to him."

"Don't!" Clara repeated and she was practically sneering now. "Don't you dare try to make me feel guilty. You have no idea what happened! You don't have the right to stand here and accuse me of hurting the Doctor _on purpose_. You don't know anything!"

"Neither does he!" Now River was angry too. No, she didn't know what had happened between them, but she was the one who had to face the consequences every single day. She was the one who had to be strong for the Doctor. In this particular instance, she was simply a wife watching her husband hurting, and there was nothing she could do about it.

Clara gave a cold, bitter laugh before she took a step closer so that she was now standing mere inches from River. "Do you think I enjoyed it? Do you think I did it for _fun_?" Her voice had become very low and she was peering intently into the time lady's eyes, "Do you think I woke up one morning and thought 'Hey! How about I erase the Doctor's memories of me and then leave him all alone and confused? How _dare_ you!"

River's eyes narrowed but she didn't say anything, so Clara continued: "The Doctor is my best friend – my _best friend_ in the entire universe and he is the last person that I would _ever_ want to hurt. Now, I don't know how much he remembers, or how much he's told you, but I'm guessing not a lot based on your accusations of me, so let's get something straight: Using the neuro block was a _mutual_ decision. _He_ was the one who procured it for crying out loud! _I_ was the one who had to look him in the eye, watching every single memory of me _disappear into thin air_ as he told me that we were making the right decision," Clara took a shattering breath before finishing, "I'm sorry that he's hurt, truly. But if he hadn't acquired that neuro block in the first place, none of this would have ever happened."

After her tirade, Clara kept looking at River, but it wasn't really her she was thinking about anymore.

The Doctor had gotten that neuro block. He was going to use it on her without even consulting her. All that pain he was feeling? If he'd gone through with his plan, Clara would have been the one feeling that pain right now. And she wasn't a time lord. She wouldn't have understood. She wouldn't have known anything about neuro blocks or timey wimey things. She wouldn't have known about time travelling – _she_ wouldn't have been able to recreate the Doctor from the hole he'd left.

Clara shouldn't have yelled at River, because she wasn't even mad at her. She was only just now realising it, but she was angry with the Doctor. In fact, she was furious. She was furious with him for getting that neuro block. She was furious with him for forgetting her. She was furious with him for leaving her alone, for flying away in his TARDIS, and for not even recognising her when he saw her again. He had looked into her eyes, sipping lemonade, playing on his stupid guitar, and he hadn't felt a _thing_. He'd laughed when she suggested that she could be Clara, told her that if he'd met Clara again he'd absolutely know.

Clara was vaguely aware of the cybermen breaking free from their boxes all around them, but she couldn't wrap her head around that right now. In the distance, she could hear Ashildr saying her name, but it was like she was standing in a whole other room.

Clara couldn't go on like this. Just like the Doctor couldn't go on mourning a friend he didn't remember, she couldn't go on being this furious with a man who didn't even know who she was. Something had to change.

"Have you all gone bananas?"

Clara was finally pulled out of her thoughts at the sound of the familiar voice. The Doctor was standing at the end of the passage.

"Any particular reason as to why you're _not_ running for your lives right now?" He was looking from River to Clara to Ashildr and back to River again.

Without meaning to, Clara found her eyes wandering towards River. Was she going to tell him? Was he going to believe her?

As none of them said anything, the Doctor huffed in annoyance and walked past them without so much as a word. In fact, he started walking towards the centre of the maze where all the cybermen were alive and kicking.

"What are you doing?" Clara frowned at his retreating back.

"I'm going back. I'm taking the deal." The Doctor answered her over his shoulder but didn't stop.

"The cybermen will catch you before you reach Missy!" Ashildr protested.

"Don't be silly," the Doctor scoffed, "Haven't you been paying attention? The cybermen only follow you if you try to leave the maze. What would be the point of all this if not to coax us back to Missy?"

"Doctor, stop!" River took a step forward, "Don't do it. Listen to me, we can get it another way."

The Doctor shook his head, "I need to know."

River rounded on Clara and asked her, "Are you really going to let him do this?"

Clara opened her mouth but had no answer. It didn't even matter. The Doctor was already gone.

"You're right." River was beginning to sound desperate, "You're right, I _don't_ know what happened. But don't let him do this. Don't let him trade away his TARDIS, not when you can give him what he wants. Just tell him who you are. Do that, and he won't have to trade away anything."

"It's not that simple." Clara bit her lip. How was she supposed to think straight amid all of this chaos? She needed time to think through the repercussions. But she didn't have time. She needed to make a choice _now_.


	7. The decision, part 1

**AN: Once again, thank you all so much for reading this story, I'm really glad that so many of you like it :-) And thank you for reviewing, I love to hear your opinion :-)**

 **After some consideration, I have decided to split this chapter in two as I did with the last one. I simply thought it would be too long if I put it all in one.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who or any of the characters, monsters etc.**

* * *

 **Chapter 5 – The decision, part 1**

"Well, well, well… Look who it is." Missy was sitting on one of the many discarded boxes, smirking, "You know, I had expected you sooner."

"Perhaps you should stop expecting things of me altogether."

"Clara, my Clara…" Missy was shaking her head. "I wouldn't have picked you if I didn't expect things of you."

Clara didn't know what to say to that so she stayed silent. She still had very mixed feelings about the woman. Missy was the reason she knew the Doctor, but she was also the reason that they had gotten into so many messes. Clara was thinking about the three zeroes on the back of her neck. She was thinking about Danny the cyberman, and the Doctor's empty eyes, as he looked into hers. She was thinking about the time she'd destroyed all the TARDIS keys, even though she hadn't really destroyed them. She remembered the awful feeling of despair as she realised what she'd done. It had been enough to send her crashing to the floor. The thought of the Doctor without his TARDIS had been terrifying.

"Where is Mr Grumpy?"

"Not here. Obviously." Clara gave Missy an irritated look, but the time lady continued unaware of Clara's tumultuous thoughts.

"Angry, are we?"

Clara briefly glanced around the clearing but no one else was there. River and Ashildr must have been detained by some cybermen. Perhaps they were even arguing. Actually, Clara would be surprised if they weren't.

Clara knew for certain that the Doctor had been detained by cybermen. She had run after him when he'd told her, he was going to take the deal. Unable to make a choice about what to do, she had done the obvious thing: stolen his screwdriver and run away. It was surprisingly easy, but then again, it wasn't exactly the first time she had done it. The Doctor would be fine without his sonic but it would take him a bit longer to reach the clearing.

"I almost lost it that day, did you know that?" Clara wasn't sure why she said this, but once she had started, it felt like the right thing to say.

"You have to be a bit more specific, darling," Missy looked uninterested, but Clara knew that she was listening intently.

"The number," Clara specified, "The phone number that you gave me. I almost lost it. It had been raining earlier that morning and I dropped it while checking my phone. It flew straight into a puddle of water. It was still eligible but only just."

"And you're telling me this why?" Missy sounded bored. Then again, she always sounded bored.

"I almost left it there… in the puddle. I could have gone home and waited for Mr Maitland to help me. He always knew exactly what was wrong with the Internet. It would have been no problem."

"But you didn't."

"I didn't," Clara confirmed, "But sometimes I find myself wondering what my life would have been like if I did. Would I be married to Danny right now? Would I be happy? I could be living my life blissfully unaware of all the strange aliens out there in the world. I would never have had to deal with you."

For the first time since Clara had started talking, Missy smiled. She turned her attention away from her fingernails and looked at Clara. "You like travelling, you were _made_ for travelling. Prancing around like some housewife? That's not you. And it never will be, trust me on that."

"That's why I'm perfect for the Doctor," Clara finished, "The perfect match. But you never intended for us to be happy. You put us together with the intention of destroying us. Every time we saw you, your smirk was always wider, your happiness always increased. Because you knew that every step we took was a step closer to _this_."

"That's all very poetic," Missy stood up and walked a bit closer to where Clara was standing, "Very poetic but also very old news. I'm assuming you're not saying all this for the sake of small talk?"

"You're going to give me that neuro block back, and you're going to do it now. You want a TARDIS? Take Ashildr's and mine. Don't take the Doctor's."

"Now why would I do that?"

"Because you've done enough damage Missy! And you owe me. All of this –" Clara pointed around the room, at herself, at Missy, at the TARDIS and the cybermen, "All this has been for the sake of ruining the Doctor, and you've done it – congratulations! He used to be your best friend and he hurt you, and you got your revenge, but what was you're excuse for ruining _me_? What have I _ever_ done to you? I doubt I'm the only adventure-driven young woman out there in the world, in England. What did _I_ do to deserve this? I know you don't care about that, but you should, because I can cause a lot of problems for you, Missy. TARDIS or no TARDIS, we can become very troublesome, Ashildr and I."

"You're threatening me?" Missy gave Clara an incredulous look before she started to laugh, "You actually think that you can threaten _me_? That's very cute."

"Just give me the neuro block," Clara expectantly held her hand out, "You can't hurt the Doctor more than he is right now. Let me take the neuro block and let _me_ refuse to give it to him. He'll just about hate me more than he hates you."

"Don't flatter yourself."

"I'm serious," Clara said, "In this instance, I think he may just come to hate me more than he hates you. He spent four and a half billion years inside his own confession dial just for a chance to see me again. I think it's about time you woke up and realised you're not the most important person in the Doctor's life anymore."

"And you are?" Missy scoffed, "He doesn't even remember you."

"Oh, so it's a popularity contest now, is it? You're jealous?"

"Please, don't insult me." The smirk had disappeared from Missy's face and in its place was a frowning scowl.

"Give me the neuro block," Clara repeated through clenched teeth, "Honestly, is it even the real one? I'm willing to bet you haven't even got the right one. Is that why our TARDIS isn't here? You were unable to find it? I'm not stupid, you know. You're just tricking us again, because that's all you know how to do. Have you got a single sincere bone in your body?"

Clara didn't know what Missy was going to say to that and she never found out because in the next moment the Doctor, along with Ashildr and River, burst into the clearing. Almost instantaneously the cybermen walking around the maze stopped. Clara hadn't realised how many there were until now when she looked around. All of the boxes had been torn apart, making the entire warehouse visible.

"So you decided to show? Well done, for once you made the right choice, Doctor." Missy immediately turned away from Clara as if they hadn't been talking, "Decided to take the deal, have you?"

The Doctor gave a slight nod, ignoring River's exclamation.

"Goody!" Missy clapped her hands together before taking a piece of paper out of her pocket, "All there's left to do then is sign this contract." Missy smiled expectantly at the Doctor.

Several moments went by before the Doctor made to move forward.

Ashildr was staring at the contract, undoubtedly to try and make out the words. River had a worn out look on her face, and Missy looked just about ready to burst with delight. The Doctor… His expression was unreadable.

"Don't do it!" Clara couldn't let him, not after everything they'd been through. She didn't realise it until she said the words aloud, but she couldn't let him go through with it. What would she even do afterwards? Steal the neuro block from him so that he wouldn't find out? That itself would surely make him even more suspicious than he already was. She had seen the looks he'd given her. He didn't trust her or anything that came out of her mouth.

He had forgotten her so that he wouldn't become the hybrid, but Clara couldn't let him trade away his TARDIS. It was his _TARDIS_ after all. If the Doctor didn't have it what would become of him? What would he be?

"Excuse me, but just who do you think you are?" The Doctor had turned his gaze towards Clara, "Pam, is it? Do you have any idea what these two people have done? How much hurt they've cost me and the people that I care about? If I were you, I'd seriously reconsider who I chose to associate with and I certainly wouldn't tell _me_ what I should and shouldn't do." With those words he turned away from her again.

In that particular moment Clara wanted to slap him, but she doubted the Doctor would let her do that. Instead she took a deep breath and asked him, "You're really going to trade away your TARDIS?"

"Am I being particularly incoherent today?" The Doctor snapped.

Clara took another deep breath before continuing: "If you're going to trade away your ship for me you better have all the facts. You're going to find out soon enough anyway. That is, if Missy's telling the truth of course."

"Pam…" Ashildr started warningly, but Clara cut her off:

"It's over, okay? Missy got the better of us. But we don't _have_ to let her win. She doesn't get to do that, not today. Not again."

The Doctor looked confused, and Clara didn't blame him. She was, after all, supposed to be on Missy's side.

"I know exactly who I'm in the room with at the moment," Clara spoke up, ignoring everyone except the Doctor, "For one, there's River Song who, quite frankly, doesn't need any clarification. Then there's Missy, your ex-best friend who has now committed her life to ruining yours. And there is her associate Me – or Ashildr as I prefer to call her – who is not really Missy's associate and not really my mentor. She has not exactly made your life any easier, has she? Don't think we need to go into too many Trap Street details…"

"Who are you?" The Doctor's voice was low but very firm, demanding.

"And then there's you." Clara looked the Doctor over before she continued, "How best to describe you? I don't think I can; I have very mixed feelings about you at the moment. Do you know what it feels like to really miss someone but be very mad at them at the same time? That's how I feel about you Doctor."

" _Who_ _are_ _you_?"

Clara gave a little smile, before she continued, "Didn't think I needed to introduce myself. I distinctly remember you saying that you'd know who I was if you ever saw me again."

There was a slight pause in conversation before the Doctor finally got it. She could see it in his eyes, the exact moment he figured it out.

"Clara," he breathed.

"Yeah." She didn't know what else to say. "That's me."


	8. The decision, part 2

**AN: This story has become a little bit longer than I anticipated. I originally planned for this to be a five-part story, but when I reached what was supposed to be the ending, it didn't seem quite right. Therefore, I've made it a bit longer. I hope you'll bear with me.**

 **As always, your reviews mean a lot :-) I'm really glad that you still like the story and I hope you'll continue to do so :-)**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who or any of the characters, monsters etc.**

* * *

 **Chapter 5 – The decision, part 2**

Considering the people in the room, Clara thought it was remarkable that they all managed to stay silent for as long as they did. She was looking at the Doctor who in turn was looking at her. If they had paid any attention to the others, they would have noticed their eyes darting back and forth as if they were watching a very interesting tennis match. As it was, Clara and the Doctor were not paying attention to the others. Clara tried to analyse the Doctor's expression, but his face was like a blank page: unreadable.

She had imagined this moment more times than she'd care to admit, but never had she imagined that he'd stay silent for _this_ _long_. After her declaration, he'd turned his hawk like gaze on her, and he hadn't looked away since.

After what felt like hours, Clara couldn't take it anymore: "You may not remember this, but I once told you that silence is even worse in a Scottish accent."

The Doctor still didn't say anything, and Clara gave a huff of exasperation. What was she supposed to say? She was so used to dealing with the Doctor. She'd always understood his mood swings, she'd always known when to back off, and when he'd needed a friend. The man in front of her wasn't a stranger, but she was a stranger to him. If possible, that made it all even harder.

She was just about to try a new tactic, when the Doctor did the unthinkable: He _turned away from her_. Without so much as a single word.

Walking away, ignoring her… That was even worse than if he had yelled at her. She felt as if she'd been slapped. "Where… Where are you going?"

The Doctor's thoughts were in turmoil. He didn't know what to think, what to say, to feel… He noted a sudden vulnerability in the young woman's voice. She played her part well, he had to admit, but it didn't make him believe her. He had spent so much time searching for Clara, and now she suddenly appeared out of thin air? It didn't add up. Instead of answering her, he went into the maze, River hot on his heels. He was acutely aware of Pam – the woman, whoever she was – staring after him. Why did she look so sad? Could an actress really look so sad?

"Doctor, wait."

The sound of River's voice made him stop. Of all the things he'd expected River to say, he hadn't expected her to stop him. She didn't seriously believe all of this, did she? He'd thought she was cleverer than that. Unless, of course, the Pam-person didn't lie, which would make him the stupid one. But if she wasn't lying then that meant that… No, Clara was gone. He didn't remember a lot of things about his former companion, but this he was certain of: Clara was gone and she was not coming back.

He slowly turned to face his wife who was looking at him with a pitiful gaze. He really hated pity.

"Doctor, I know it's a lot to take in. Perhaps we should sit down and talk about this?"

"What's the point in talking about it? It's all quite simple, is it not?"

Clara was watching the pair from the clearing. Ashildr had come to stand next to her. Undoubtedly, she had something to say about all of this, but Clara didn't really care.

The Doctor had gone from being surprised and disbelieving to being angry. He didn't want to believe Clara's words; that much was evident from the look on his face.

Missy, who had been silent until now, took a sudden step forward, "Better listen to the missus," she cooed, "Take one more step inside that maze and you'll be having this conversation with the cybermen."

"At this point, I think I'll prefer the cybermen," he answered her, but he didn't go any further. Instead, he turned around, walked back in to the clearing and stopped about ten centimetres from the Scottish time lady.

"You think I don't know what you're about?" he whispered, "You want to steal my TARDIS and in order to do so you engage miss Me and together you two dig up Pam and ask her to… to… Of all the things you've done, this really is one of the most…" The Doctor spluttered but didn't finish.

"You really are a paranoid fella, aren't you, this version of you?" Missy was grinning, "You're very good at hiding it, but once you've seen it it's actually rather noticeable. Do you really think I'd go to such lengths just to get your TARDIS?"

"Yes."

"Yes."

"Yes."

The answer rang out from several corners of the clearing. The Doctor looked first at River, then at the Pam-person, but he didn't let her answer sway him. Ignoring Missy, he turned away from the time lady to stand in front of Pam or whoever she was.

"Since you're impersonating my best friend, you may be able to tell my why you're travelling with the woman responsible for your death?" It really was a stupid mistake on Missy's part. She should have thought better than to try and team Ashildr and "Clara" up together.

Clara blinked once… twice… three times before she shot Ashildr a hopeless look. It was obvious what the immortal wanted her to do: play along and get out of this mess as soon as possible. But Clara couldn't do that, not to the Doctor. Not even to save him, however selfish it was on her part.

"First of all…" Clara took a step forward and entered the Doctor's personal space, "I'm not impersonating anyone."

To the Doctor's credit, he didn't back away. Clara knew how he hated people who stood too close to him.

"Second of all… I don't have to answer any of your questions, not if I don't want to, and as long as you continue to call me a liar and an imposter I most certainly won't!"

Now, the Doctor and Clara were staring at each other as they had been five minutes earlier.

"Doctor, perhaps you should listen to her." River had taken a few steps forward and was now looking worryingly at the pair, "See, what she has to say."

"As _Pam_ so kindly pointed out earlier, "the Doctor gritted between his teeth, "I'll definitely know it if I see Clara again. And this is _not_ Clara."

"And how do you know?" Clara sneered, "You clearly don't remember me!"

"That's because I've never met you before!"

"No, it's because you chose to forget all about me!" Clara yelled.

"I WOULDN'T HAVE FORGOTTEN IF YOU HADN'T REVERSED THE POLARITY!" There was a momentary silence after the Doctor's outburst. When he realised what he'd said he took a step backwards before clasping a hand over his mouth. It was a very un-Doctor-y movement.

Clara, who had been seething with anger only seconds before, was now looking at the Doctor with hopeful eyes.

"I don't know why I said that." This time, the Doctor didn't look away; instead he was looking at Clara with a curious expression on his face. "I don't know why I said that."

Clara was just about to answer him when the curious expression was replaced by a frown. "Why did I say that? What are you doing to me?"

River rolled her eyes at the same time as Missy trilled, "Doctor Paranoia" under her breath.

"Doctor." Clara took a frustrated step forward. "I'm not doing anything. I'm trying to _talk_ to you, but you just don't listen!"

"Okay." Now it was Missy's turn to interrupt. "As interesting as all of this _isn't_ … I'm really going to need an answer. Doctor?"

"What?" The Doctor slowly turned to look at Missy, "An answer? Ah… yes. Well… I won't take the neuro block."

"You… won't?" It was obvious from Missy's tone that this was not the answer she had been hoping for. Nor was it the answer she had been expecting.

"No." The Doctor started flapping his hands about, "If you've been lying about this, what else have you been lying about? In fact, I think I'll take my TARDIS now and be on my way. River?"

River looked from the Doctor, to Clara, and back to the Doctor again. She gave the young woman an apologetic look before following her husband.

Clara and Ashildr both looked apprehensively at Missy, waiting to see what her next move would be. Surely, she wouldn't just let the Doctor leave? But, as it was, it did look as if this was exactly what she intended to do.

"Missy!" Clara hissed the time lady's name. "You're just going to stand there?"

It was rather ironic, Clara though sourly, that she'd spent so much time trying to escape Missy, and now she was practically begging her to entrap the Doctor.

"Sorry, deary… Perhaps next time." And with those words the time lady entered the maze and disappeared from view.

"Clara, let's just go, okay?"

Clara hadn't even noticed Ashildr coming up next to her but there she was, tugging on her sleeve.

"Come on, Clara, let's find the TARDIS and get out of here."

It was the rational thing to do, Clara knew that. Something wasn't right; it wasn't like Missy to just give up like that. Unfortunately for Ashildr, Clara wasn't a very rational person in situations such as these.

"I can't." The words were barely more than a whisper, but Clara knew Ashildr had heard her, "I can't let him go, not like this. He _hates_ me."

In a last desperate attempt to make him understand, she ran forward as he was about to enter the TARDIS, and grabbed hold of his arm.

"I know that this is confusing for you," she stated as the Doctor tried to pry her hand off of him, "But you need to listen, okay? I'm Clara – Clara Oswald in case you don't remember the last name – and I used to be your best friend. I know you've had lots of best friends… The Ponds, Donna, Martha, Rose, Sarah Jane… I could go on, I've met quite a few – not as me, of course, but as some other me… Oswin or Clara Oswin or… well, that's not important… What _is_ important is the fact that at one point I was your best friend too. I know things, you see – things I shouldn't know, if I were a total stranger... I know you don't like karaoke or mime and I know that you used to love Fish Fingers and Custard even though you don't anymore. You don't like silly things or hugs or when people talk too much. People, in general, tend to annoy you even though you do the stupidest things to save them. You'll do anything to save them, because that's what you do… You're a good man, Doctor, even though you don't think so. You may be rude and tactless and brisk in your behaviour, but you're my best friend. My best friend in the entire universe, and I'll do anything for you – anything at all. That's why I agreed to this whole memory-thing in the first place. I could go on, Doctor, because I could speak about you for hours on end, but remember how I told you that you don't like people who talk too much? I bet you're more annoyed with me now than you were when I started this whole speech and considering how annoyed you were with me then… Well, that's quite a feat, is it not?"

Clara looked expectantly at the Doctor who still had his hand clasped around hers. Had he even heard her? Had he simply tuned her out?

She was just about to give up, when the Doctor answered her: "That was quite a long speech."

It wasn't exactly what she'd expected him to say, but she supposed it was better than nothing.

"Yes…" Clara repeated slowly.

"Quite a long speech for a very tiny human… And you didn't take a breath once…" The Doctor seemed to be talking to himself.

The Doctor's comment made Clara take a deep breath even though she didn't need one. Where was he going with this? She had an idea, but she didn't dare to hope.

When he gently took her hand between both of his, it felt as if time stood still.

"You're human…" The Doctor whispered, "You're human, yet you don't need air. You're living, but you don't have a heartbeat." He paused before meeting her gaze, seeing her as if for the first time. "You're Clara."


	9. Final farewell

**AN: First of all, I'm sorry for the long delay. I've been busy the last couple of weeks, but I finally had a chance to finish the chapter, so here it is :-)**

 **I'm glad you still like the story and as always, your reviews mean a lot :-)**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who or any of the characters, monsters etc.**

* * *

 **Chapter 6 – Final farewell**

"And the penny drops…" River was looking from her husband to Clara and back to her husband again, as was Ashildr.

Clara was ignoring both of them, focusing on the Doctor. No one was sure exactly what the Doctor was thinking. Clara was awaiting his next words, but they didn't come. When she realised that he was waiting for her to say something, she intelligently replied: "Yes, I'm Clara."

Now what was she supposed to say? They had established that she was Clara. The Doctor was still holding her hand. The Doctor still didn't remember her. She had hoped that he would, but alas… he didn't. She should have known better than to expect the memories to magically appear along with the realisation of who she was.

"This is awkward," Clara said at last.

"A tiny bit… yeah," the Doctor agreed before dropping her hand.

And then came the silence… Again. This was so _not_ how Clara had imagined their reunion would turn out. Their reunion was supposed to consist of laughs and ridiculous smiles and even a hug. It wasn't supposed to be awkward. Clara hated everything awkward.

"You're not dead" were the Doctor's next words.

"Not yet," Clara replied but immediately regretted her words as the Doctor cringed, causing Clara to cringe right alongside him. This really wasn't going very well. It was a bit like greeting an old friend you haven't talked to for ten years only to realise that you have nothing left in common. Adding the fact that one of the friends has forgotten who the other one is, and you're nearing the level of awkwardness Clara was experiencing at this exact moment.

"Sorry," the Doctor gave Clara an apologising look and then turned away, "Sorry… that wasn't very good. What I mean to say is I'm sorry that… you know… not dying and uh… and then I… not remembering-part."

"It's okay," Clara gave a short laugh, "I'll write you a new card later."

"So that's where they come from," the Doctor stated, but Clara was frowning now and so was he. Would she be able to write him a new card later? What were they supposed to do now? Missy was gone and Clara knew that she should fly away before things got even more complicated. Which reminded her…

"Where's our TARDIS?" She whipped around to face Ashildr, "We never found it. We never even saw it. Shouldn't it be here somewhere?"

"A TARDIS?" The Doctor exclaimed, surprised, "What TARDIS?"

"You don't remember?" Clara asked, not sure how to continue. How much _did_ he remember? "When you rescued me you sort of stole a TARDIS. Again."

"He sort of stole a TARDIS?" River repeated before sending her husband an admonishing look, "I get a sonic screwdriver and _she_ gets a TARDIS? Boy, you need to sort out your priorities."

"I – I don't…" The Doctor had the whole deer-caught-in-the-headlights thing going for him, when River started to laugh.

"Not funny," the Doctor murmured before turning back to Clara, "Where did I get the TARDIS from?"

"Where do you think?"

"Seriously?

"Seriously."

"Wow."

"Yeah."

In the middle of this exchange, River turned towards Ashildr: "Do they always talk like this?"

"Pretty much."

Clara was glad so see that some things didn't change, but their exchange was nothing like their usual conversations. It lacked a certain spark.

"So this is goodbye I guess?" Clara's question caused everyone's eyes to turn to her, but she didn't really care. Someone had to say it sooner or later, and she'd rather have it sooner.

The Doctor and River exchanged a quick glance, before the Scottish Time Lord turned towards Clara and asked, "Can we talk… in private?"

"Sure." Clara nodded.

"This way." The Doctor pointed down a lane, which was more or less intact. She followed him soundlessly until they were out of earshot. They sat down beside a huge pile of overturned boxes.

There was an awkward silence before the Doctor cleared his throat and began: "I really cannot express how sorry I am about all of this. I cannot imagine that I ever intended for you to continue living without a pulse. And then, to make matters worse, I left you."

"It's okay, Doctor, I understand."

"It's not okay," he interrupted, "I cannot imagine that you are okay with it, despite what you're saying to please me. You shouldn't be okay with it."

Clara gave a short sigh before replying: "I have been angry. And some of that anger has been directed at you. Some of it has been directed at Ashildr. A lot of it has been directed at myself and even more has been directed at Missy and the Time Lords. Yes, I've been angry with you for leaving me."

The Doctor was about to say something again, undoubtedly to tell her that it was justified, but she raised her hand to stop him: "I've been angry with you, but I also knew that it had to be done."

"Why?"

Clara gave him a small smile. "You don't really expect me to answer that, do you Doctor?"

"I need to know."

"No you don't," Clara shook her head, "You'll just have to trust that your previous actions were justified."

There was a short silence, before she continued: "I've been angry with Ashildr because she was the one who trapped us on Trap Street. Do you remember Trap Street?"

"Vaguely."

"Okay. Anyway, she was desperate and I've sort of forgiven her for what she did to me. Not what she did to you, though, haven't forgiven her for that yet."

"What did she do to me?" the Doctor asked curiously.

This question made Clara pause. Did he really not remember? Or did he just pretend that he didn't? In any case, she didn't want to tell him. No reason to remind him of the 4.5 billion years he had to spent inside his own torture chamber.

"Moving on," she said, "I've been angry with myself for being stupid, and I've been angry with the Time Lords because of… well, doesn't matter, no need to get into that. And I've been angry with Missy – I _am_ angry with Missy – because of everything she's done to us." She hurried along so that he wouldn't question her anger directed at the Time Lords.

"In the end there isn't much to do about it," Clara continued, giving the Doctor her most genuine look, "I've come to terms with it." She really had. There was no point in moping about. She even got to travel before she had to go back to Trap Street. She was having a blast even though it was with Ashildr and not the Doctor.

As if he could read her thoughts, the Doctor asked her: "Why are you traveling with _her_ of all people?"

Clara was glad he wasn't going to question everything that had happened, and answered him as honestly as possible: "She was there when you… you know. I didn't want to travel alone and she really isn't as bad as she sometimes seems. She has lived for many years – billions of years – so she knows what it feels like to be frozen in time. We have a lot in common and no one else to be with. It's better to be with someone than being alone. Which is why I'm very glad that you've found River again." Clara changed the subject to try and make it all less depressing.

"Yeah, so am I." The Doctor didn't tell Clara about the nearly full diary. She didn't need to worry about that. He might not remember the woman, but it was clear that she was the type to worry.

After this, there was nothing else to say. They sat in silence for a while, before they both jumped to their feet at the same time, causing them to let out a short, strained laugh.

"I guess we should be going then," the Doctor said.

"Yeah."

The Doctor started moving, but Clara kept standing where she was.

"Doctor?" She hadn't meant to say anything, but she knew that if she didn't, she'd wonder about it until she went back to Trap Street.

"Yes?" He turned back around and sent her a rare smile, but it wasn't quite the same as the one he used to send her.

"How much do you remember from that day? Our last day, I mean. Don't you remember anything at all?"

The Doctor gave her a long look before walking back towards her. He let out a little sigh before honestly telling her: "Nothing at all, I'm afraid."

"How come?" Clara didn't understand, "I saw you, you see. Right afterwards in our TARDIS – it's disguised as a diner – and we talked and you practically told me everything that had just happened. How come you don't remember now?"

"I did remember in the beginning, I think." The Doctor shuffled his feet for a bit, before continuing: "I do remember being in the diner and I do remember that I remembered back then. I have forgotten that you were there, sorry. Over the years most of it disappeared. It simply slipped away. I remember bits and pieces; funnily enough our earliest adventures are the clearest. I don't remember anything about you – you must excuse my frankness – but I remember The Crimson Horror and the Cybermen not to mention Trenzalore. I remember Victorian London and the dinosaur… I even remember Robin Hood. But after that things become more and more blurry. I know you became very angry with me at some point after Robin Hood around the time we fought a mummy… on a train? Does that make any sense to you?" He looked at her with a slight frown on his face, and Clara couldn't help but laugh.

"That makes sense, yeah." Clara gave him a small smile. "You deserved it by the way. The scolding. You were being very annoying."

"I'm sure I was," the Doctor replied before continuing in a more sober voice, "Unfortunately, things go very downhill after that. I'm guessing it's because the events are closer to the time when I lost my memories. The neuro block must have been hungrier in the beginning, if you follow me. The more recent memories took the brunt of it and so… I forgot about them sooner. I do remember Trap Street, probably because it had a very huge impact on me, seeing you dying… But I don't remember how you died or why we were even there. I remember Ashildr, I think. I don't remember anything about what happened afterwards."

"So one day you won't remember anything at all?" Clara asked with a surprisingly steady voice.

The Doctor took his head in his hands before answering, "I'm really sorry Clara, I truly am, but unfortunately I probably won't continue to remember it. At least not so clearly. I don't think I could ever forget that you existed and I'll probably remember the headlines: time stream, Trenzalore, regeneration. But I won't remember your part in those events."

Clara was silent for a moment before stating: "So you don't remember anything from our last day together. You really don't remember why you forgot me?"

The Doctor shook his head, "And I know you won't tell me. I understand that we must have been on Gallifrey due to your current… condition, and I obviously stole that TARDIS of yours there, but aside from that, I have no idea."

"One more thing then," Clara said at last, "You're not usually stupid."

"Usually?" The Doctor lifted his eyebrows, but Clara merely shushed him.

"You're not stupid and you've probably figured this out already," she continued, "And so I won't reveal anything by telling you that the neuro block was your idea. And your original intent was to use it on me."

The Doctor nodded, but didn't interrupt her, eager to hear what she was going to say next.

"I've been wondering," she continued, "And I know that you don't remember, but perhaps you can imagine what you'd do in the situation, if you were ever put in it…"

"I'm afraid you'll have to be a bit clearer."

Clara took a deep breath before continuing, "Your plan – the plan that I overheard, that is – was to make me forget you and drop me back on Earth."

The Doctor nodded slowly but he still looked confused, so Clara continued in a more subdued voice: "What would you have done with me when you realised that time wasn't healing – that my processes would remain time looped. Would you have sent me back to Trap Street?"

The Doctor exhaled slowly before sitting down on an over-turned box. He clearly hadn't expected the question. "That would have been the right thing to do," he said at last.

Clara closed her eyes, avoiding the Doctor's gaze.

"But…"

This small word made Clara look up again. He was looking at her now in a way that reminded her of the old Doctor, the Doctor who had known exactly who she was.

"But?" Clara prodded.

"I don't remember you", the Doctor repeated, "But that doesn't mean that I don't remember how I felt about you. If you were half as special to me as I think you were I don't think I would have had the heart to send you back." The Doctor paused for a moment before continuing," What would I have done? I think I would have done everything in my power to give you the life you undoubtedly deserve. Would I have succeeded? I don't know."

Clara was quiet for a moment, before she answered him: "Then it's probably a good thing that you were the one who forgot. You've already broken way too many rules for me." She didn't trust herself to say any more. Instead she turned away from him. She _wanted_ to say more, but it didn't feel right. She had said everything she wanted to her Doctor in the cloisters. They'd had their goodbye, and this wasn't it. She'd gotten her question answered, and now he knew that she wasn't dead. Now, they could both go their separate ways.

When she re-entered the clearing a couple of minutes later, she sent Ashildr a bright smile. "Let's find our TARDIS, shall we?"

Ashildr, who had previously been sitting on top a fallen box, instantaneously sprang to her feet, as did River. Clara doubted the two had spoken at all.

"Ready to go?" Ashildr asked looking searchingly at Clara.

"Yes." Clara nodded but didn't say anything. Partly because the Doctor's wife was standing like ten metres away from them, and partly because she and Ashildr didn't really do heart-to-hearts.

Meanwhile, the Doctor had entered the clearing and was making his way towards the TARDIS, River following close behind. Before opening it, he turned around and looked at Clara. He couldn't say that it felt right to leave her here without a pulse and with the threat of Trap Street looming over her head. But their story was done. It was the same with River. You couldn't continue the story when there were no pages left to fill. Her diary was nearly full. Once she left him, it was over and done with. You couldn't go back. You couldn't erase what had already been written in ink. Trying to do so would only leave an even bigger mess.

With a last look at the brunette, he turned away and opened the door to his TARDIS.

Clara saw Ashildr turning away out of the corner of her eye, but she couldn't leave, not yet. She wanted to see the TARDIS disappear. She needed closure.

Ashildr had stopped when she noticed that her traveling companion wasn't following. "Is something the matter?" She said the last bit directed at the Doctor who hadn't moved either. He had opened the door to the TARDIS, but he was still standing outside it.

"Doctor, what is it?" Clearly, River didn't know what was going on either.

"What did you say your TARDIS looked like again?" The Doctor looked over his shoulder and met Clara's gaze.

"Like an American diner…. Why?"

"Look for yourself." The Doctor stepped aside, inviting Clara to step in.

Before giving the Doctor a confusing stare, Clara started walking towards the blue police box. She had never thought she'd step inside it again and yet, here she was. Except it wasn't the blue police box she stepped inside. It was her own TARDIS: the diner.

Clara took about two steps before collapsing on the nearest barstool. On the wall, opposite the counter, Missy had written her final farewell:

 _You're so blind, you're so blind you blow my mind…_


	10. A Solution to a Problem

**AN: So… I must start by apologising for the long delay. I'm still writing, don't worry! But it has taken me** _ **way**_ **too long to finish this next chapter. Thank you so much for sticking with the story, and thank you for all your lovely reviews and for following and favouriting (if that is a word?). It means a lot and I hope you'll continue to like it :-)**

* * *

 **Chapter 7 – A Solution to a Problem**

" _What did you say your TARDIS looked like again?" The Doctor looked over his shoulder and met Clara's gaze._

" _Like an American diner…. Why?"_

" _Look for yourself." The Doctor stepped aside, inviting Clara to step in._

 _Before giving the Doctor a confusing stare, Clara started walking towards the blue police box. She had never thought she'd step inside it again and yet, here she was. Except it wasn't the blue police box she stepped inside. It was her own TARDIS: the diner._

 _Clara took about two steps before collapsing on the nearest barstool. On the wall, opposite the counter, Missy had written her final farewell:_

 _You're so blind, you're so blind you blow my mind…_

So this was what Missy had planned all along, Clara thought. The Doctor's choice had all been an act. Clara couldn't help but momentarily wonder what would have happened if the Doctor had really taken the neuro block.

But everything still didn't make sense. Why wouldn't Missy just steal the TARDIS? Why even use the Diner? Missy had obviously stowed the TARDIS away. She could have just taken it and flown away. Why make everything so complicated?

"How is this possible?" Ashildr asked upon entering. "It's diner on the inside!"

The Doctor, who was following closely behind, gave her a short, appraising look before commenting: "Haven't heard that one before."

River was the last to enter and upon doing so she exclaimed in amazement: "I've been here before!"

"What?" Ashildr hadn't expected her to say _that_ , "What do you mean you've been here before?"

"I mean that I've been here before," River answered slowly, "With the Doctor. And my parents."

Ashildr merely sent her a glare and explained, "I meant _how_ have you been here before? Where? And were we here?" She pointed at herself and Clara.

The two women clearly did not get along. Clara wasn't surprised. Apart from the whole: do-not-under-and-circumstances-spoil-anything-about-the-future-part, they didn't have a lot in common.

"Now that you mention it…" Clara began slowly before turning to the Doctor, "You did tell me that, after you'd lost your memory. You thought you'd been here with me but then remembered that it was Amy and Rory."

"Amy and Rory," Ashildr repeated, "They're…?"

"They're my parents," River clarified, "And the Doctor's friends."

"They travelled with the Doctor before I did," Clara explained, "I believe they're stuck in New York due to an encounter with the Weeping Angels, correct?" She turned to River who nodded.

"How could this have happened?" Clara asked.

"That… is a very good question." The Doctor didn't look up as he gave her the non-answer.

"Is this really the Diner?" Ashildr asked.

"The logical answer would be that it _is_ the Diner," River said, "The TARDIS' chameleon circuit doesn't work, so Missy would not have been able to create this diner-look. She would only have been able to redecorate the Control Room, but this isn't the Control Room. Then, she would have simply made the outside look like the TARDIS. We don't know for how long she's had it – it is a time machine after all – she would have had plenty of time to do all this."

"There's only one problem," Ashildr told her, "Our chameleon circuit doesn't work either."

River gave Ashildr a nonplussed look before turning to her husband, "You stole a faulty TARDIS _again_?"

"My TARDIS is not _faulty_ ," the Doctor defended his ship, "Though it's no wonder she acts the way she does when people keep treating her as though she is."

River merely rolled her eyes before turning to Clara and Ashildr, "Is there any way we can know for sure whether this is your TARDIS?"

"I suppose we can look through our stuff," Clara began before giving a huff of exasperation, "But Missy would have had plenty of time to exchange it all."

"Or…" the Doctor piped up, "We could just ask her."

"Any particular reason why you haven't already done that?" River asked slowly.

"I'll do it now, happy?" the Doctor said without actually answering River's question. He turned to Clara and asked her, "Where's the Control Room?"

"Right this way." Clara jumped up from her seat and led the others through the Elvis-door. Everything looked exactly as it had before Clara and Ashildr had exited it that morning.

The Doctor sprang into action the moment he passed the threshold, dancing around the console as if he owned it. It was so familiar it made Clara stop in her tracks. She had to look away when he passed the place where he'd forgotten her.

Clara had changed a bit of the interior. It was still very white because the Doctor had liked the classic style, but it had become a bit more inviting with a bit of colouring here and there. Ashildr had had no part in decorating it. She didn't really care about decorating things. Perhaps stuff like that became superficial when you lived for as long as Ashildr had lived. Perhaps Clara would start to think that as well, one day. Would she become like Ashildr? She hoped not. Then again, it would probably be a bad idea if she kept on living and living… She had to go back to Trap Street at some point. But what if she kept on travelling for a long time? Would she start to forget things like Ashildr did? She'd tried to research just what her new condition meant but she hadn't been able to find anything useful. Apparently, she was the first extracted person that had managed to escape from Gallifrey.

"It's not the TARDIS." The Doctor's words effectively pulled Clara out of her thoughts.

"It's the Diner," River sighed.

"Yeah."

They were all silent after this. Missy had the TARDIS _and_ the neuro block and they had no idea how to find her.

"We should look for clues," Ashildr said at last, "Missy left one on the wall… Perhaps she left more."

* * *

Clara was in her room. They had decided to split up, and she had looked just about everywhere she could think off. The room was the last place on her checklist, but everything looked the same. There were no clues anywhere. She looked through her closet, her bookcases, _and_ all of the drawers in her dressing table. There was nothing to suggest that Missy had been in there. There were no clues and nothing was missing.

She opened the last drawer and was about to slam it shut again when something made her pause. Beneath an old traveling book was a bowtie, messily tied. The Doctor had left it somewhere at some point. Clara couldn't even remember where, but she had picked it up and kept it. She had tried to tie it herself but couldn't do it with the same perfection as the Doctor.

"Haven't seen that in a long time."

Clara jumped at the sound of River's voice and turned guiltily around to face the Time Lady. She was standing in the doorway, looking at the bowtie before shifting her gaze to look at Clara.

"Did you prefer him back then?" she asked, ignoring the fact that Clara was looking at bowties instead of looking for clues. Clara looked at her in surprise. She became momentarily angry but there was no hint of accusation in River's face. If anything, she looked curious.

Clara looked down at the bowtie before answering, shortly, "No."

River didn't say anything and Clara supposed she expected a longer answer. Should she give it? She didn't owe River Song anything. She barely knew the woman. She had never been there to help the Doctor when he needed her. She hadn't been there when he regenerated – when he nearly died on Trenzalore. She wasn't there when he was nearly executed on Gallifrey. Then again, who was Clara to judge? She didn't know the woman or the extent of her relationship with the Doctor. Just like River didn't get to judge Clara.

How to explain? River was still waiting for an answer – a longer answer.

"The Doctor is my best friend," she said at last, "I grew very fond of him very quickly. When he regenerated I had already risked my life to save his. I knew that he was a Time Lord and that a Time Lord regenerates. I had seen all of his previous faces but… I didn't know that he would regenerate again. He wasn't able to back then, so I guess I just expected him to never change. And then he did, and he became so very different and I won't lie and say that I wasn't shocked." Clara raised her chin defiantly as if expecting River to scold her. When she didn't say anything, Clara continued.

"I realised that the Doctor was still the Doctor and we continued travelling together. You ask me if I prefer the way he was back then to how he is now and the answer is no… I really don't. I prefer him now. I know him better now and we have a lot more history now. That is, before he forgot… You know what I mean." Clara trailed of awkwardly before taking a deep breath and continuing, "It's the same with anybody, I think. You don't want to go back to the beginning, do you? Because then you wouldn't know the person and they wouldn't know you. Now, I don't think of him as different back then. Sure, his tastes have changed a bit, but he is the same person. I just know him better now than I did back then. So I _do_ prefer this Doctor, but not because he has changed his looks or his fashion sense. It's because that now, he is my best friend."

After Clara stopped talking, they were both silent for a bit. Clara almost thought that she wasn't going to say anything when the Time Lady took a step into the room and told her, "When I first met this Doctor I didn't recognise him. At all. I spent an entire day running around with him before I realised who he was. It was quite embarrassing, actually."

Clara gave a small smile, "I'm sure he dropped the most awful hints."

"Yeah," River said, "He always thinks that he's being really clear when in fact…"

"He might as well be speaking another language," Clara finished off the sentence. She laughed, surprising herself. Despite having regenerated so many times some things stayed the same.

"We should go back to the Control Room," River said at last, "They're probably wondering where we are. I see you didn't find any clues, either."

"No," Clara said, "I'll be there in a minute."

River nodded before walking out the door, leaving Clara alone once again. It was weird discussing the Doctor again but also rather… nice. She never discussed the Doctor with Ashildr, partly because Ashildr thought it'd do Clara more damage than good and partly because Ashildr didn't really know him. Not like Clara did, at least.

Clara had secretly always thought that Ashildr was right, that it wouldn't do her any good to think about the past, but perhaps it was because she always chose to dwell on her last adventure with the Doctor. Perhaps it wouldn't hurt as much, thinking about the good days. She'd tried not thinking about any of it at all but it was practically impossible. The Doctor had become her whole life. As much as she'd tried to separate the Doctor from her "normal" life, life with the Doctor had become normal. Her life on Earth, her work, that had become something she occupied herself with when she wasn't with the Doctor. And most of that time had been spent thinking about her adventures, anyway. After Danny had died, life on Earth had become so dull it was practically unbearable.

* * *

"What's going on?" Clara exclaimed upon returning to the Control Room. The Doctor, River, and Ashildr were all managing the Control Panel at the same time, pushing practically all of the buttons, typing faster than Clara would ever be able to manage.

"We have an idea," Ashildr answered.

" _I_ had an idea," the Doctor corrected.

"The Doctor had an idiotic plan," River told Clara, "So idiotic, in fact, that I think it might work."

"I see." Clara sat down on a nearby stool, not bothering to ask whether they needed her help. She already knew the answer.

"A TARDIS has got a special setting," the Doctor explained, "One that can help a TARDIS locate another TARDIS."

"You never told me about that," Clara said.

"Well… We never really had any use for it, did we? We didn't think that there were other TARDISes out there."

"But now there are," Clara said slowly, "So you can actually locate another TARDIS? Just by using that programme? Without knowing the coordinates?"

"No," the Doctor answered, ceasing the incessant typing along with the others, "You need the owner of the TARDIS."

"So as long as we've got you, we're good?"

"Ah…" The Doctor smiled, "This is where things get a tiny bit tricky."

"Why does that not surprise me?" Clara rolled her eyes, getting to her feet once again and crossing her arms.

"The TARDIS is mine," the Doctor continued, "But I cannot say that I _own_ it."

"Because you stole it."

"Because I stole it," the Doctor nodded, "My TARDIS once belonged to a Time Lady by the name of Marianna. She was actually imprisoned inside it, once. Spent her time painting; there are a lot of rubbish paintings around here somewhere. Don't know exactly where, Marnal hit them."

"Marnal?" Clara asked.

"The Time Lord who owned the TARDIS after Marianna."

"Of course," Clara mumbled giving him a half-smile.

"He was my childhood hero, actually. You can imagine my surprise when I discovered that I had his TARDIS."

"So he is the owner of the TARDIS?"

"Oh, no," the Doctor said before giving a short laugh, "Of course, he'll say that the TARDIS is his – always did. He's dead now."

"So the TARDIS doesn't have an owner?" Clara asked, confused.

"It _does_." The Doctor sent Clara a brilliant smile as if that was enough to make her understand. When she didn't say anything he sighed and continued explaining: "Before I stole it, the TARDIS had become a bit… _broken_ ," he whispered the last part as if trying to conceal if from the ship. A couple of bleeping sounds told him that she had indeed heard him.

"Moving on," the Doctor replied quickly, "Marnal sent the TARDIS in for repair on Gallifrey…"

"Still not getting it," Clara said after a moment's silence. She didn't even have the heart to be angry with him. She'd missed this way too much.

"The TARDIS is a Type 40, Mark 3 TARDIS. It's outdated. When the repair people noticed this, they sent it to the government-controlled stockpile of TARDISes that had been decommissioned."

"Still not following…"

"Honestly, Clara…"

" _Honestly_ , Doctor?"

"Fine," the Doctor gave her a sultry look before saying, " _You_ worked for the government, controlling the decommissioning of the TARDISes. _You_ were there when I stole it, if I remember correctly – and there is a very good chance that I don't – but you asked me to steal _this_ TARDIS, meaning you must have known the TARDIS, meaning you must have checked it out…"

"Meaning?" Clara prompted although she had a pretty good idea of what he was going to say next.

" _Meaning_ ," the Doctor repeated, "That _you_ signed for it. Therefore, in the small time between it being handed over to the government decommissioning central and it being decommissioned – "

"I was in charge of the TARDIS."

"You were in charge of the TARDIS," the Doctor agreed, "And since it was never decommissioned, you are still in charge of the TARDIS."

"So I own the TARDIS," Clara grinned triumphantly.

"You do not _own_ the TARDIS." The Doctor shook his head vigorously. "It is _my_ TARDIS." He pointed at himself.

"Technically, you stole it. From me."

"You _gave_ it to me."

"I did _not_. I told you that if you _were_ going to steal a TARDIS, you shouldn't steal the TARDIS you were going to steal, you should steal the TARDIS that you actually ended up stealing."

"How do you even remember that?" the Doctor asked exasperated, "It wasn't even you."

"I should ask you the same question," Clara retorted, "You don't even remember the real me!"

She regretted it as soon as she'd said it. She didn't even mean to. They were arguing and it was the first retort she'd thought of. She hadn't thought it through, she just blurted it out.

The Doctor looked as is he'd been slapped, and she didn't know what to say. Should she say that it wasn't his fault? She couldn't because it _was_ his fault even though he hadn't had much of a choice.

"You're right," the Doctor said at last, looking away, "I need to plug you in to the TARDIS' telepathic circuit. Tried that before?"

"Yeah," Clara sighed with burning cheeks. She tried avoiding River's gaze as well as Ashildr's. She had almost forgotten that they were there. Why did she have to say that? Why did she have to go and ruin everything? For a moment everything had been so… normal.

The Doctor beckoned her over, taking hold of her cold and heartbeat-less hands. He turned her around, placing her hands in the circuit. She almost felt like crying.

' _I don't deserve a friend like you."_

' _I'm terribly sorry Clara, but I'm exactly what you deserve."_

The memory popped into Clara's mind before she could stop it.

"Remember," the Doctor said, "Think about the TARDIS. Only the TARDIS and nothing but the TARDIS, okay?"

"Yep." _Yep_. Was that the only thing she could say now?

She closed her eyes, thinking about the TARDIS. It was Clara's favourite place in the entire universe and she had seen quite a few quite awesome places in her time. The TARDIS was home.

She opened her eyes when she felt the TARDIS land.

"We're here?" she asked, looking at the Doctor from across the panel.

"We're somewhere," the Doctor answered looking at the coordinates, slowly frowning.

"What?" River had noticed his frown as well, coming over to stand next to the Doctor, "What's wrong?"

"It's probably nothing. In fact, forget I said anything. Let's just find the TARDIS, okay?"

They exited the TARDIS slowly, one by one, not knowing what to expect. It was almost a let-down, when Clara noticed that they were in London. _London_. The place they'd just left. What on Earth was Missy doing in London?

"Can't see the TARDIS anywhere," Ashildr remarked, "Shall we split up and look?"

The Doctor nodded before adding, "Let's meet back here in an hour. If you find the TARDIS, return here. Don't confront Missy on your own."

After this, they split up. It was way too familiar, Clara thought. It reminded her of her last day with the Doctor: the day they'd entered Trap Street.

* * *

In the end, it was Clara who found it. At first, she was going to go back just like the Doctor had said, but she found that she couldn't. What would happen when the Doctor had gotten the TARDIS back? He'd undoubtedly fly away. She just wanted one tiny look inside. Missy probably wasn't even inside.

Once she'd made the decision, she walked briskly towards the TARDIS, nearing it with sure and precise steps. She didn't hesitate when reaching the door and opened it before she had a chance to change her mind. And then she turned around.

She left the TARDIS as soon as she had entered it. In fact, she backtracked and kept backtracking until she was backed up against a tree outside it. Something was wrong. Something was very, very wrong and for once it didn't have anything to do with Missy. Because this wasn't the TARDIS that Missy had stolen. Missy wasn't inside the TARDIS at all. The Doctor was inside the TARDIS, but it wasn't the Doctor she had left half an hour ago.


End file.
